Butterfly net 2 by Jenny Meehan
Butterfly net 2
2024
I wanted to express the sense of fragility that comes from not knowing how things will be day to day with health, and “Butterfly Net” seemed the right way to do it because, in the process of making it; tearing paper strips; I experienced the very pain that makes a”bad day” a bad day.
This is version 2 of Butterfly Net, in which I incorporate digitally generated and perceived textural
elements. I find it interesting to play with perception generally… I guess this is part of being an artist!
I used to experience the differences between working with digital imagery and physical materials as being much greater than I do now. I even had a bit of an aversion to combining them together in the way I have done in this artwork, believing it somehow lessened authenticity somehow.
However, now I find I’m quite interested in the interplay between the process of creating things both physically and virtually, and then choosing to put the two processes together; this work celebrates the existence of both mediums.
I think this is important for me to express because, due to the restrictions I experience sometimes physically due to osteoarthritis, my appreciation and use of digital media has increased. This brings with it a reminder of the freedom I can enjoy because it it. So the net which holds the butterfly back is partially permeated. This is very positive!
For example, being able to create on a mobile device while lying on my back doing yoga and exercising incorporates bodily movement with imaginative, creative processes; I benefit from the combination of physical and digital working concurrently!
I don’t always need to do this… I am often still able to work with physical materials, even on quite a large scale, but for the periods of time when I cannot, it is a great liberation and joy to not have my creative impetus restricted or held back in any way!
In the first “Butterfly Net” I expressed a sense of fragility by photographing the collage without sticking any paper down. A breeze or even a breath could rearrange the pieces of paper. I chose to create a very simplistic, loose image of a butterfly which I made by cutting and tearing paper, with wide vertical bars which imprison the butterfly, on top of it.
Without being told the paper is unstuck, a viewer wouldn’t appreciate the fragility because the graphic image itself is as far away from a butterfly as possible; it’s heavy and quite bold in black and white only. It’s primitive and childlike. A loose, rather ambiguous and camouflaged depiction of a butterfly! With the net over it, many people don’t even recognise it as being a butterfly! Generally, with figurative art the aim is that people will recognise what is depicted. Yet, as is the case with much invisible disability, the features which characterise a condition are not clear or easily recognisable to an outside viewer.
When creating the first version, I realised that, though I associate arthritis with something which affects people in their latter years, there are many people affected by different types of bone pain, including children, so the childlike nature of my depiction met my desire to encompass this idea. Arthritis isn’t something just experienced by older people.
As said, it’s also a condition which isn’t obvious. There is something of it being a condition which is less visible, often even invisible, to other people. This requires communication on my part of physical limitations when I experience them; I don’t like revealing my own fragility or vulnerability at all! I prefer to emphasis my strength and independence!
In “Butterfly Net 2” the increased integration and merging of media reflects a general increase in self integration I’ve experienced in recent years. Self-integration is critical to identity. It’s the process of connecting experiences to the self and often occurs as individuals narrate events. In a fundamental sense, this is how the creation of both my visual art and writing often function.
Time has passed and I’m more comfortable with the fragile, more vulnerable dimensions of myself. The image now looks even further away from a butterfly!
This reminds me, that as part of humankind in general, we don’t see each others fragility very easily at all, and it is often hard to express openly. So to treat eachother with kindness is a good general principle for life when it comes to disabilities of all kinds. We often just see hanging strips of broken material; torn parts, fragmentation. In both ourselves and others. But don’t forget the butterfly, just because you cannot see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t there!
I’m currently continuing my experiments with loose, un-fixed papers. I’ve made a lot of painted papers to play with and as I work with them I’m reminded of the need to hold all things in life lightly, even though it’s so tempting to want to feel totally in control of things and have everything rigidly stuck into place! It’s important to open ourselves up to life with acceptance of what is beyond our understanding and what is beyond any control we may feel the need to have. Why do we do this? I think one factor may be that we do this in order to compensate for an inner sense of security we sometimes (even often!) lack.
At the same time as relinquishing our need to control, it is vital to take full responsibility for ourselves and to exert appropriate self control in the way we manage ourselves in accordance with our values and beliefs. It seems too easy at times to mix up these two movements; to try and control what we can’t and then to abandon control of what we can!
Snail Photograph by Jenny Meehan taken at West Dean Gardens in Sussex ©jenny meehan
Francis Davison
It’s completely impossible to write about artists who have influenced me, because the very nature of experience is so homogeneous. However, when I make it to galleries, it’s natural that I’ll give more time to different creative expressions I come across, and what I see can serve as a little doorway into a passageway of focus. So I look, think, meditate and learn something – I receive a little gift from my investment. The collages of Francis Davison are works I’ve encountered several times, and are a good example of this.
Quote from “An Introduction to Francis Davison” by Andrew Lambeth 2017 in The Redfern Gallery Catalogue ©The Redfern Gallery 2017.
“His reclusive nature had the effect of keeping the work largely unseen, and it was not until one or two astute critics began to champion Davison’s collages that he was persuaded to exhibit in the last years of his life.
By far the most significant exhibition of his work at this time was the solo show at the Hayward Gallery in 1983. But the Hayward was a huge strain on Davison – not only the construction of the frames (which he made himself on the kitchen floor), but the effect of going public, even though he longed for recognition. He was such a private man that he felt more than usually vulnerable at showing the distillation of his life’s work and inviting a response. Although the young Damien Hirst later admitted that the exhibition ‘blew him away’, the public in general seems to have been rather baffled.
A few of the more discerning critics recognised the quality of the collages, and some artists responded positively, but the exhibition changed little, and Davison died in 1984 largely unknown and unrecognised. He is still one of the best-kept secrets of the British art world”.
Not such a secret now, but I guess its relative. And the “British Art World.” ???? No comment from me on that exclusive and illusionary sphere. I often meet artists who have come across his work, and I wasn’t looking, and bumped into his work. So things have changed. So that’s good.
I was invited to the private view of the Francis Davison exhibition (14th November to 9th December 2017) at The Redfern Gallery. I’m still not quite sure why, because I had not put myself in the mailing list. It may have been because I’d written in my art journal a few years earlier of my enjoyment of his collages when they were exhibited at Austin/Desmond Fine Art in their exhibition “Francis Davison: Collages 1976 – 1983”.
Here’s what I wrote way back then in 2012!
“A few weeks back I visited the Francis Davison: Collages 1976 – 1983 exhibition at Austin/Desmond Fine Art.
Some of the small studies had something to teach me, and I found myself wishing that my experiments sold at a couple of thousand pounds, but as I am not Francis Davison, it might be worth settling for a little less in the way of financial benefit. The larger work on show revealed the fruit of many hours experimentation, and it was a rich experience to view the work. “Orange Arc and Spot in Turquoise & Brown” “Egypt” “Blass Mass, Blue Angle, White Background” “Disintergrating Black, Green, Blue Fields” “Sand Ground with Black,Red,White and Green”. Say it how it is. Titles to the point. It was very good. I am glad I made the effort to see this exhibition.
What most struck me was how much like paint the way Francis Davison uses some of the paper. I was convinced that some of the paper was paint, until I took a closer look. This is interesting to me because I have thought about using collage in my own paintings and I have been put off mostly because of not mixing the paint with unpainted paper, but what I saw done here was inspiring. Not a drop of paint in sight, but very, very painterly collage. And the contrast between the dissolved type edges with those of jagged cut paper, which spoke sharper than sharp, was delightful.
My words don’t articulate visual things well, but all I can say is if you give this kind of work the time it deserves, then it will teach you a lot. As I looked at the work I looked for the decision-making process, I looked for the junctures and the points at which I might agree or disagree with decisions made. This navigational process of working my way through any visual expression has become much more obvious to me recently, so much so that the lack of overt subject matter worries me less and less.
To see an exhibition like this at this particular time, when I am experimenting in a very free manner has proved very fruitful. I find that I need to remind myself of restraint with colour and never forget the importance of edges, as well as the effect of different sized masses and some of the interesting relationships which can be so easily overlooked.”
How funny and useful it is to have this Art Journal of mine as a tool for a reflective creative practice! It’s interesting to read now as I have moved into using collage a lot. I’m still inspired by the work of many artists I’ve come across, yet its true that Francis Davison’s collages have embedded themselves in my thinking in a very rich and rewarding way. The extent of their inspiration is as much as the effect that Ivon Hitchens’ paintings revolutionised my approach to oil painting and opened my eyes up to the power of brushwork, colour and space. My work has evolved over the years in many ways, and of this I’m grateful. There is never a need to be uninspired! Even in the quiet reflective spaces shadows move suggestively!
In my December 2017 art journal post I mentioned The Redfern Gallery Francis Davison Exhibition:
“Francis Davison at The Redfern Gallery
What a great show this was!
I took many visual meanderings across the surfaces of the many collages on show.
As I plan to bring my own work onto a larger format, I found the size of the work on show very pleasing. It is large enough to be easy to enter into, but not so large as to be impractical. Though wall space nowadays is a problem for many people, unless you have plenty of walls, what do you do with this superb, intimate yet impressive work? Both bold and delicate, strong and fragile. I like this. But I lack the wall and floor I need to work at this scale at the present time.
Just one empty wall. Just one empty floor. And I will be happy.”
And
More on Francis Davison…
” Looking around The Redfern Gallery at Francis Davison’s collages at the Private View was not enough for me, and besides, people, lovely as they are, get in the way! So I re-visited and took in a little bit more deeply what was happening there for me. Seeing the work generated all kinds of new ideas in my mind, really, so many I needed to take notes. The art now for me will be restraint…To hold back yet give all, at the very same time.
https://www.redfern-gallery.com/artists/47-francis-davison/
Photos of sections of Francis Davison Collages from 2017
Art Journal note images of Francis Davison Collages at Redfern Gallery in 2017
Section of Francis Davison Collage Art Journal note images of Francis Davison Collages at Redfern Gallery in 2017 Sections of Francis Davison Collages behind glass at Redfern Gallery in 2017 images taken by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams notes for art journal
Francis Davison inspiration!
Reflections on art images are normally to be avoided!
These photos act as note taking for what interests me
When you spend time looking you will always be rewarded
I think Francis Davison used gum arabic to glue his papers together
Ideas around framing and protection, containment, reflections, surfaces, and more!
Steps, as in stepping stones, paths through along ground and space… The list goes on!
Hangings, and gaps… Shadows as key elements. The glass is useful in these photos but robs something too.
I’m reflecting back on these because I’m effectively “chewing the cud” and it’s nourishing. I am a person who finds focus a challenge, and I don’t mind admitting it. My mind will rush ahead very often in whichever way it wants, and I’m getting better at pulling it back and telling it to sit down. It is hard though. Limitations are very valuable things in life. To pull back and chew over grass we have eaten before, rather than rushing forwards into new pastures seems to work well for me. I’m not quite sure how it happens but I always seem to be moving forwards even when I pull backwards.
Carl Jung, ETH Lecture 1st Dec 1939
A bit of Jung never goes amiss!
“I must call your attention to a further passage in the New Testament. In the second chapter of Acts we read of the coming of the Comforter, of the Paraclete (the Holy Ghost),promised to the disciples by Christ:
“And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.”
The tongues of fire did not fall among them but on each. Each individual could say the Paraclete has entered me, I am the dwelling, another aspect of God. That is simply the logical fact, but it was never allowed to come true on account of the institution for, if God can speak through the individual, it opens the door to arrant heresy. This was proved practically during the Reformation, the so-called “Schwarm Geister” crumbled the walls of the Church.
We must, therefore, be human and not judge the Church too hardly, for it was really impossible for her to tackle this problem. The problem is an eternal truth but it only becomes acute when the Church is no longer able to control the situation and its walls spring apart. Then we are forced to remember such texts. They are no empty words but basic truths, and we have no foothold in the shifting ground of contemporary problems without them.
We fall captive to the herd animal if we cannot reach the individual divinity in ourselves. If we think this means the ego, we are rightly condemned as individualists and egotists, but to remember our primeval divinity, that is a totally different thing.”
Carl Jung, ETH Lecture 1st Dec 1939
Mary Oliver
Here’s a few lovely lines from one of her poems:
” Do you bow your head when you pray or do you look
up into that blue space?
Take your choice, prayers fly from all directions.
And don’t worry about what language you use,
God no doubt understands them all.”
Yes!
Thomas Keating
“The greatest teacher is silence. To come out of interior silence and to practice its radiance, its love, its concern for others, its submission to God’s will, its trust in God even in tragic situations is the fruit of living from your inmost center, from the contemplative space within. The signs of coming from this space are a peace that is rarely upset by events, other people and our reactions to them, and a calm that is a stabilizing force in whatever environment you may be in. God gives us everything we need to be happy in the present moment, no matter what the evidence to the contrary may be. A good spiritual director helps us to sustain that trust.”
Father Thomas Keating, Summer 1997, Part II lecture notes
Joss Bay in Kent ©jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams
Joss Bay in Kent ©jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams
Chris Chapman
“Life itself is where the word of God is sown, and we can make space to receive the word in attentiveness”
from “Praying with Parables” Spirituality training handout, not sure of date as it was several years ago!
Joss Bay in Kent ©jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams
Ramsgate
Joss Bay
Joss Bay in Kent
View from Pegwell Bay Nature Reserve
Camera Phone Cameras
Image of Neil my husband holding a camera phone.
Its stunning how much technology has transformed the creative arts in so msny ways. While I’ve spent a great deal of time in the past with technicalities regarding photography and printing, for everyday purposes and for my current digital art working, I’m enjoying the ease of use, absences of technological considerations, and the need to work on my laptop, and instead do sooo much on my phone! I don’t make large prints anymore anyway. Having said that, it’s jolly useful to understand the limitations and features of camera phones.
Early Rothko
These are fascinating, and I did not realise he had done any representational work, which is very silly indeed, as I’m sure most abstract artists start with representation/figuration before they fall into the abstract abyss. Which is rather fun, of course!
Kingston Artists Open Studios 2024
This year Kingston Artists Open Studios will be held over three weekends, though I’ll be exhibiting over two weekends only; the 11th and 12th of May and the 18th and 19th May.
It’s always a fun and enjoyable time, and so come along if you are free, in the area, and enjoy some art.
Here’s a few images from years gone before:
kingston artists open studios 2019 jenny meehan artist designer
Pattern Books on display at the 2022 Kingston Artists Open Studios including the Keim Galaxies Book by Jenny Meehan
jenny meehan kingston artists open studios events
jenny meehan kingston artists open studios events
jenny meehan at 2017 south west london/east surrey Kingston Artists Open Studios event contemporary female artist painter jenny meehan
kingston artists open studios jenny meehan
Scraper Poem by Jenny Meehan
https://youtu.be/MqoHgTq71hI?feature=shared
I wrote the first version of this poem, “Scraper” in 2008. It’s still pretty similar to what it was with only a few minor adjustments. I edited it in 2023.
The inspiration for it is personal experience of male violence, so in that sense I know that many women (and men) will be able to relate to it.
From my Dad hitting me in the face to stop me crying as a child, to the crime of rape by someone else in my late teens, plus other experiences of verbal and physical aggression in between, I know on a personal level how male violence affects women and I know I’m not alone in this.
Later on in life my brother was also violently assaulted, resulting in a head injury. This event, and it’s later consequences, proved to be just one thing to many to bear, resulting in considerable distress which started coming to a head around 2008. So this poem was part of a realisation of trauma, and though it’s a very sad poem, I am grateful for it, because it was part of a process of recognising where I was, and one factor in me seeking the professional support I needed.
That “one fistful of fired up rage” is a metaphor for violence that’s impacted me and other members of my family. Anger is an important emotion and is not, in itself, aggressive. Aggressive behaviour is not the same thing as anger. The main difference between anger and rage is that the anger is an emotion while rage is the violent, uncontrollable anger, often accompanied by violent physical actions.
Violence and abuse, intentional and unintentional, take many forms and can be emotional, spiritual, and psychological – not just physical.
Empathy, (the capacity to resonate with and reflect upon the feelings and mental states of others) was in short supply for myself and other members of my family of origin. There was, for a variety of reasons, including schizophrenic, alcohol use disorder, and ptsd, a level of deprivation which caused damage all round. I now recognise my parents were only able to function in the ways they knew how to. That doesn’t make certain things alright, but it does enable me now to hold them in my heart with a certain amount of compassion, which is healing in itself. As a child you can’t see things from this perspective.
I’ve given you some personal context for the poem, however, my aim in expressing myself through poetry and art is not to particularise, but rather to stretch out expansively, in a recognition of shared pain, and shared love too. There are so many people who can relate to aspects of my experience, and vice versa. There is great strength and peace in recognising commonality.
We need compassion. So much!
Also, I pray too for empathetic understanding of myself and others, and a sacred recognition of each individual person I meet, day by day. We are all wounded. We can all heal.
Enduring Grace
Carol Lee Flinders writes, in her book Enduring Grace:
“The healing balm that Julian (Saint Julian of Norwich) offers in her teaching on the motherhood of God is that we need not grieve that our relationships here on earth are less than perfect. Life on earth is, after all, inherently flawed. Nonetheless, the rich promise that the maternal relationship holds out can finally be realized, because the mother we long for, and the mother we long to be, is within each of us,”[xii] for God is within us.”
Carol Lee Flinders, Enduring Grace: Living Portraits of Seven Women Mystics (HarperCollins, 1993), 97 – 98.
This is such a healing reminder! I can’t stress enough how vitally life giving an awareness of the divine feminine is to me, and I certainly see this coming out through my creative expressions now, more so than ever before.
Its interesting, as always, to look back and reflect on my personal development journey and how it’s manifested itself through artistic expression. It’s immensely reassuring to me to see the many meandering pathways which formed, almost like the formation of small rivulets initially, which have organically grown and developed over the years. And looking backwards, paradoxically, does encourage and inspire looking forwards. It helps motivate me! This is part of the joy of contemplation I think.
Save Our Souls/Distress Signal
save our souls ©2011 jenny meehan. I had in mind Ophelia in Hamlet. British painting by artist ©Jenny Meehan
A big theme in a lot of my visual art is dissociation. Its been a constant theme, among others, and particularly relates autobiographically to women’s experience of male violence /sexual violence. This painting, while it certainly contains hope, and maybe this gives it a message of “enduring grace” even through suffering, is also quite dark in emotional expression. It was painted during a period in my life of “moderate depression”, though the depression felt, at times, like it would “take me under”. It certainly had troughs of despond and a strong experience of hopelessness as well as periods when I felt more supported internally and externally.
A concept in my mind when painting it was the character of Ophelia, from the Shakespeare play Hamlet, who loses her mind… And then her body, in her case through suicide. The painting is called “Save Our Souls” because it’s a a cry for help, not just for myself (it was a personal tool for me in my own journey) but all women whose sense of self and sanity have been violated, and find themselves on the edge of either feeling they exist, or, too close to the real boundary of life and death for comfort.
It does very much contain hope, expressed through light across the surface of the woman’s physical body, even in its fragile, ambiguous materiality. But the whole paintings relationship with hope is fragile and delicate. It’s deliberately unresolved and paradoxical. It pulls both ways, into darkness and into light.
I did follow up the painting with a poem, as I often do. Indeed, it’s a key part of my creative practice to partner my visual art with my writing. I view my visual art as a form of poetry, because of its relationship to my writing. When I exhibit visual art, I prefer to exhibit both poem and painting (or drawing, sculpture, whatever! ) together because they are integral to eachother.
Here’s the poem ‘Ophelia Poem’ which accompanied the painting ‘Save our Souls’
“It was
an unfinished poem
who took
her hands and led her
to the river spring.
Who invited her,
held her,
cried with her.
Who even laid her body out,
as she willed it,
to face her grief.
In her vulnerability
she was
too fragile to speak, even –
yet, intent
to trust the universe,
her painting pressed into a tiny pearl,
the love which first formed her
So she treasured it.
And there was light.”
Thomas Merton Prayer
when earth meets sky painting by jenny meehan
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you, and I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always. Though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death I will not fear, for you are ever with me and you will never leave me to face my peril alone.
THOMAS MERTON
This is a lovely prayer… I have it stuck to my kitchen cupboard.
Winter
Well, Winter does actually feel far behind us now, but it’s not too late to share this beautiful engraving of a painting by Wilhelm Kray (German, 1828–1889 titled “Winter”. I prefer the engraving to the original painting. Emotionally it comes across to me more. It shows the transformation of Winter to Spring. I’m guessing that the figure in the background shows Winter dying. I found this “Originally known as the Spring Equinox, the word Easter parallels the German word Ostern which is derived from Eostre or Ostara, the Anglo-Saxon Goddess of Spring. In German stories, Ostara is believed to have been responsible for bringing about Spring each year.” So maybe this is Ostara? She does have a star on her head!
I also wondered if the figure may be fruitfully read as Saint Brigid too? I found some information on her…
” Both Christians and pagans celebrate St. Brigid’s Day on Feb. 1. People still celebrate her day by weaving twigs into a square “Brigid’s Cross,” an ancient solar symbol traditionally made to welcome spring. Feb. 1-2 is also known as Imbolc, a Spring festival when the goddess Brigid returns as the bride of spring in a role like the Greek Persephone. Imbolc has been adapted not only into St. Brigid’s Day on Feb 1st, but also as Candlemas on Feb 2nd.”
Wilhelm Kray (German, 1828–1889 titled “Winter”
It’s such a beautiful image, quite nurturing and tender. I guess I’m a bit late in my interest as we are now in April, and the time of year I’m looking at here appears to fit more comfortably into February! In an effort to align myself more with the calendar I’ve brought this very exciting book “The Celtic Wheel of the Year” by Tess Ward. I’m going to attempt to read and pray it monthly. I haven’t stuck to a seasonal prayer pattern like this before but my creative practice fell into a seasonal pattern very naturally so I think it will be good to shape some of my devotions and meditation too in a form which moves with the year.
Here’s a little interpretation from me on Saint Brigid, thinking on Spring and Resurrection combined. The figurative image isn’t my own, but a section of a cutting of a photograph I kept from one of my art books. It’s of Christ and Mary his mother when Christ was taken down off the cross after being crucified.
God Beyond All Dreams – Bernadette Farrell
1. God, beyond our dreams, you have stirred in us a memory, you have placed your powerful spirit in the hearts of humankind.
Refrain: All around us, we have known you; all creation lives to hold you, In our living and our dying we are bringing you to birth.
2. God, beyond all names, you have made us in your image, we are like you, we reflect you, we are woman, we are man.
3. God, beyond all words, all creation tells your story, you have shaken with our laughter, you have trembled with our tears.
4. God, beyond all time, you are labouring within us; we are moving, we are changing, in your spirit ever new.
5. God of tender care, you have cradled us in goodness, you have mothered us in wholeness, you have loved us into birth.
On the subject of dreams… Just beautiful. My Good Friday Meditation this year.
Dream of the Rood
(trans. by Roy Liuzza)
Another beautiful meditation for Easter
BY UNKNOWN
TRANSLATED BY ROY M. LIUZZA
Listen! I will speak of the sweetest dream,
what came to me in the middle of the night,
when speech-bearers slept in their rest.
It seemed that I saw a most wondrous tree
raised on high, wound round with light,
the brightest of beams. All that beacon was
covered in gold; gems stood
fair at the earth’s corners, and there were five
up on the cross-beam. All the angels of the Lord looked on;
fair through all eternity; that was no felon’s gallows,
but holy spirits beheld him there,
men over the earth and all this glorious creation.
Wondrous was the victory-tree, and I was stained by sins,
wounded with guilt; I saw the tree of glory
honored in garments, shining with joys,
bedecked with gold; gems had
covered worthily the Creator’s tree.
And yet beneath that gold I began to see
an ancient wretched struggle, when it first began
to bleed on the right side. I was all beset with sorrows,
fearful for that fair vision; I saw that eager beacon
change garments and colors––now it was drenched,
stained with blood, now bedecked with treasure.
And yet, lying there a long while,
I beheld in sorrow the Savior’s tree
until I heard it utter a sound;
that best of woods began to speak words:
“It was so long ago––I remember it still––
that I was felled from the forest’s edge,
ripped up from my roots. Strong enemies seized me there,
made me their spectacle, made me bear their criminals;
they bore me on their shoulders and then set me on a hill,
enemies enough fixed me fast. Then I saw the Lord of mankind
hasten eagerly, when he wanted to ascend upon me.
I did not dare to break or bow down
against the Lord’s word, when I saw
the ends of the earth tremble. Easily I might
have felled all those enemies, and yet I stood fast.
Then the young hero made ready—that was God almighty—
strong and resolute; he ascended on the high gallows,
brave in the sight of many, when he wanted to ransom mankind.
I trembled when he embraced me, but I dared not bow to the ground,
or fall to the earth’s corners––I had to stand fast.
I was reared as a cross: I raised up the mighty King,
the Lord of heaven; I dared not lie down.
They drove dark nails through me; the scars are still visible,
open wounds of hate; I dared not harm any of them.
They mocked us both together; I was all drenched with blood
flowing from that man’s side after he had sent forth his spirit.
“Much have I endured on that hill
of hostile fates: I saw the God of hosts
cruelly stretched out. Darkness had covered
with its clouds the Ruler’s corpse,
that shining radiance. Shadows spread
grey under the clouds; all creation wept,
mourned the King’s fall: Christ on the cross.
And yet from afar men came hastening
to that noble one; I watched it all.
I was all beset with sorrow, yet I sank into their hands,
humbly, eagerly. There they took almighty God,
lifted him from his heavy torment; the warriors then left me
standing drenched in blood, all shot through with arrows.
They laid him down, bone-weary, and stood by his body’s head;
they watched the Lord of heaven there, who rested a while,
weary from his mighty battle. They began to build a tomb for him
in the sight of his slayer; they carved it from bright stone,
and set within the Lord of victories. They began to sing a dirge for him,
wretched at evening, when they wished to travel hence,
weary, from the glorious Lord––he rested there with little company.
And as we stood there, weeping, a long while
fixed in our station, the song ascended
from those warriors. The corpse grew cold,
the fair life-house. Then they began to fell us
all to the earth––a terrible fate!
They dug for us a deep pit, yet the Lord’s thanes,
friends found me there…
adorned me with gold and silver.
“Now you can hear, my dear hero,
that I have endured the work of evil-doers,
harsh sorrows. Now the time has come
that far and wide they will honor me,
men over the earth and all this glorious creation,
and pray to this sign. On me the Son of God
suffered for a time; and so, glorious now
I rise up under the heavens, and am able to heal
each of those who is in awe of me.
Once I was made into the worst of torments,
most hateful to all people, before I opened
the true way of life for speech-bearers.
Lo! the King of glory, Guardian of heaven’s kingdom
honored me over all the trees of the forest,
just as he has also, almighty God, honored
his mother, Mary herself,
above all womankind for the sake of all men.
“Now I bid you, my beloved hero,
that you reveal this vision to men,
tell them in words that it is the tree of glory
on which almighty God suffered
for mankind’s many sins
and Adam’s ancient deeds.
Death He tasted there, yet the Lord rose again
with his great might to help mankind.
He ascended into heaven. He will come again
to this middle-earth to seek mankind
on doomsday, almighty God,
the Lord himself and his angels with him,
and He will judge—He has the power of judgment—
each one of them as they have earned
beforehand here in this loaned life.
No one there may be unafraid
at the words which the Ruler will speak:
He will ask before the multitude where the man might be
who for the Lord’s name would taste
bitter death, as He did earlier on that tree.
But they will tremble then, and little think
what they might even begin to say to Christ.
But no one there need be very afraid
who has borne in his breast the best of beacons;
but through the cross we shall seek the kingdom,
every soul from this earthly way,
whoever thinks to rest with the Ruler.”
Then I prayed to the tree with a happy heart,
eagerly, there where I was alone
with little company. My spirit longed to start
on the journey forth; it has felt
so much of longing. It is now my life’s hope
that I might seek the tree of victory
alone, more often than all men
and honor it well. I wish for that
with all my heart, and my hope of protection is
fixed on the cross. I have few wealthy friends
on earth; but they all have gone forth,
fled from worldly joys and sought the King of glory;
they live now in heaven with the High Father,
and dwell in glory, and each day I look forward
to the time when the cross of the Lord,
on which I have looked while here on this earth,
will fetch me from this loaned life,
and bring me where there is great bliss,
joy in heaven, where the Lord’s host
is seated at the feast, with ceaseless bliss;
and then set me where I may afterwards
dwell in glory, have a share of joy
fully with the saints. May the Lord be my friend,
He who here on earth once suffered
on the hanging-tree for human sin;
He ransomed us and gave us life,
a heavenly home. Hope was renewed
with cheer and bliss for those who were burning there.
The Son was successful in that journey,
mighty and victorious, when he came with a multitude,
a great host of souls, into God’s kingdom,
the one Ruler almighty, the angels rejoicing
and all the saints already in heaven
dwelling in glory, when almighty God,
their Ruler, returned to his rightful home.
Roy Liuzza, “Dream of the Rood” from Old English Poetry: An Anthology. Copyright © 2014 by Roy Liuzza. Quoted from https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/159129/dream-of-the-rood-translation
Kingston Artists Open Studios 2024
CATALOGUE 2024
Kingston Artists Open Studios Catalogue
Yes! It’s here! Take a look at the Kingston Artists Open Studios Catalogue 2024 and see what’s in store!
Redbubble Artist Jenny Meehan
I’m doing a bit of tidying up on this blog and gradually working my way through the pages to bring them up to date. Here’s the blog page which gives you an introduction to my Redbubble artist profile ‘jennyjimjams.redbubble’. Redbubble is a print on demand marketplace and I have over a thousand designs on it.
Redbubble Artist Jenny Meehan AKA jennyjimjams
The Mummy and the Pyramid Video
I’ve reworked this a bit. I like this one better than the first version created about a year ago.
Here is the additional image I used. It’s one of a series.
Weeping willow Mummy by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams
February 2024!
To subscribe to this art journal, use the button above. To contact me follow link below: https://jennymeehan.wordpress.com/jenny-meehan-jennifer-meehan-how-to-contact-me/
All images, unless marked otherwise are ©jenny meehan
To start, a few paintings to view!
“In a Stone Circle” painting by jenny meehan ©jenny meehan
This painted collage is quite large, around A1 roughly. I now use greyboard a lot as a substrate because it’s economical and doesn’t use up too much space. I’ve gone off using oil paint and canvas. It’s for sale as an unsigned print here: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/124734947?asc=u
The original painted collage is for sale Contact me using contact form if interested.
“The Rite of Spring” painting by jenny meehan ©jenny meehan
It’s the matt surface of the Keim Sol-Silicate paints along with its environmentally friendly features which has pushed me to the point of no return. Plus I use images of my painting a lot digitally and there are no unwanted reflections. It’s for sale as an unsigned print here: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/124735597?asc=u
The original painted collage is for sale Contact me using contact form if interested.
“Psychic Space” painting by jenny meehan ©jenny meehan
For me, “Psychic Space” is something I feel more aware of than I used to. The sense there is space, internal space, which is secure, liberating and in which I can experience a sense of being grounded. I guess this is to a large degree one of the benefits of having worked in tandem with a psychotherapist for so many years, along with a progressive Christian faith, prayer, meditation, contemplation and beautiful nature to help me. The images look a bit dull here, they are a lot brighter in that nice restrained way in the flesh. I’ve made a slightly brighter version for my redbubble artist profile.
“Spring Dance” painting by jenny meehan ©jenny meehan
Unfortunately the contrast between the white of a device screen and the image does it no favours! What this one does show is a strand of new developments in markmaking. I’ve become a fan of thick linear elements. It’s rather bold, I think I like the boldness. It’s a kind of liberation, not being delicate. Not that I ever have been particularly delicate.
Neil Meehan my husband. We had a nice time in Eastbourne. This amazing work was a bonus. It’s by Michael Rakowitz “The invisible enemy should not exist” (Lamassu of Nineveh)
February Imbolc Meditation
Margaret Atwood Quote
“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”
Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad
On the subject of water, I’m not Open Water Swimming this year yet, as I wait till around March before getting into the river again, though I may hop in the sea a few times before then.
Here Comes My Body
This video is a short expression of my experience of therapeutic yoga and other healing modalities such as psychoanalytic psychotherapy which have played and play a part in reconnection and recovery from dissociation, primarily due to rape trauma.
It shows a “Talkups” doll toy. The one shown is “Silly Talk”. TalkUp Dolls by Mattel were manufactured and sold in 1971. This one used the voice of JoAnne Worley.
I chose this item this because it includes both a talking voice and a body and head being pulled apart and then becoming connected again. I feel this shows very simply the tension of mind – body seperation yet also the body’s natural desire to reconnect and heal. Plus it has an element of humour, even though, in the context of its creation, this becomes rather dark.
It was not “Silly Talk” but serious talking, which brought me to a place of creating this! Talking therapies can be life savers for many people. This was the case with me.
It is also the case that I’ve been fortunate to work through a lot of childhood related distress, along with later traumatic effects resulting from two rapes and several sexual assaults. The psychological disorder which comes with these experiences can be worked through, though it is a lot of hard work. However, this process lessens the weight, and other results of early disconnections.
If you’d like to read a brief overview of the main circumstances which led me into investing myself into the personal work of psychoanalytic psychotherapy, look here: https://wp.me/prsao-1pf
It’s the part under Nigel Fountain’s Brief Encounter’s written for The Oldie Magazine.
(you will need to scroll down the post a bit)
This is relevant to “Here Comes My Body” because the the huge amount of work both myself and my therapist have needed to invest into my recovery journey in order to get to the place I am now. In an ideal world, I think every earthly judge and jury would benefit from a very comprehensive understanding and appreciation of how destructive rape actually is. Many people do valuable work in this area, but more needs to be done. As is the need in all areas of crime, of course, but crimes against humanity are more grievous than those concerning material wealth.
Anyway, back to my general direction!
What I fondly refer to “my obituary” written by Nigel Fountain for The Oldie Magazine, is something I’m very grateful for. I call it my obituary because it was a key event for me in respect to recognising, and accepting, the extent of the damage done to me, in particular, with relation the second rape, which was premeditated and involved me being drugged. The dissociation of that event was severe. I vividly recall, when I came to consciousness, looking down on my own body as I got up from the floor. Weird, I know, but sadly true. I blocked the whole thing out my consciousness mind for ten years… I couldn’t exist without denial.
When I created “Here Comes my Body” it was very much in acknowledgement of the extent of the damage done and the vast work of reconnection involved. I was drug raped 40 years ago! That’s a long time ago. It’s only now, I’m experiencing a level of connection with my physical body which resembles similar to what I had before I was raped. I say similar… I think it’s probably better actually, but I definitely have a kind of “recognition” going on, which means I feel connected to what I will call my “pre rape” body. And I’d lost that. That fundamental connection. It was stolen from me by a weak, narcissistic and totally arrogant sociopath, who was so inheritantly deceitful, that I’ve no doubt he thought his action non problematic and of little consequence. The extent to which a person’s conscience can be seared is indicative of how enslaved to evil they are.
So I tend to view Nigel Fountain’s article as a significant marker in my recovery, because my rather lengthy confessional of horrible life events, though delivered at a time when I was extremely fragile to a total stranger, turned out to be a marker in my journey of great significance. It was a point where, past and present, though completely disconnected through the fragmentation of self which comes from overwhelming trauma, meet for a moment and we realise how vulnerable us mortals are. I certainly did, and from the way he wrote about me, (which was deeply insightful), I think he did too. “Brief Encounters” was a series of articles Nigel Fountain wrote, but the one he wrote about me was published in The Oldie Magazine in June 2014.
I may be waxing lyrical a bit, I know, but I will anyway. Because to see what was “the death of me” in the sense of recognising and facing, those many circumstances and events of life which were damaging to me , and then to be able to reframe them, mainly, (though not exclusively) through therapy, and recover grounding lost, over time, is totally, a resurrected (way of) life.
I express this best in my own faith tradition and theology: the purposes of Godde in Christ are realised… This “Resurrection” and the power of divine compassionate love, are made incarnate and manifest through Godde’s grace working through and around me. This is my freedom and my deliverence from oppression of many kinds. An awareness of the Holy Spirit and a desire for the divine purposes of compassionate love.
And so, by the Thames, on that day of my “interview” with Nigel Fountain, I think I now choose to understand that fortunate meeting even as a kind of sacrament; A baptism of sorts. Why? Because the symbolism of baptism starts with death and ends with life. So having had my “obituary” written at that point is perfectly fitting for me! It was pretty similar to giving a testimony, as it happens…
In the Now
It’s wonderful to experience healthy bodily connection so deeply now, yet also shocking to see how destructive and damaging sexual violence is.
I’m grateful to our Creator for the Holy Spirit who inspires me to create. My spiritual, contemplative, and creative practices as a progressive christian inform all of my creative artworking.
New Redbubble Art Prints
Old Sage by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan
Plasticine Colour Play Abstract by Jenny Meehan
- Architectural Interiors Art Print by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams
Platonic by Marisa G. Franco
I’ve just finished reading “Platonic -How Understanding Your Attachment Style Can Help You Make and Keep Friends” by Marisa G. Franco, PhD. I Love this book, and I’m so grateful that I’ve been able to read it!
It’s full of goodness… I learnt so much from it and found it touched on so many interesting areas. Here’s a snippet from it which I found linked in very well with previous my reading of “Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex” by Angela Chen. Funnily enough, but not surprisingly, she references “Ace” by Angela Chen! Here’s a section I’ve been thinking about a lot:
“Another reason showing love for friends isn’t popular relative to doing so for romantic partners is because of the jumbling of any type of love with sexual love. We are petrified to express love for our friends, because if we do we risk accusations of being attracted to them.
But this muddling reveals our collective confusion as to different forms of love. Angela Chen reveals in her book, “Ace” what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the meaning of sex” that we feel platonic love, like appreciation and liking towards someone, romantic love; heady passion and idealisation of someone, or sexual love; a desire to have sex with someone, – separately. We can feel passionate about someone; romantic love, without wanting to have sex with them; sexual love. This means that we can feel romance in the confines of friendship. There’s even a term for it: Romantic friendship”.
Its very refreshing to read this. I have sometimes experienced the way that a degree of romantic feelings and friendship go together, and to accept this, and let this simply be as a quality and aspect of a friendship is both helpful and liberating. Our society forces categories onto us, and labels onto everything, yet in reality, life is all complexity. There’s a richness and beauty in having the freedom to experience affection (and even a touch of adoration), in our friendships.
I think that, maybe to have an understanding in our heads of the difference between attachment (bonding) and choosing to love someone in a way which is not primarily based on meeting our own needs, is helpful. I’m not suggesting needs are not important, but balancing needs in relationships is a joint endeavour, and this is the case whatever the type of relationship in question.
Another thought I’ve had on this, is that to recognise a small degree of transient infatuation, (not limerence, which is a different thing) for what it is, rather than loading it with more significance than it deserves, can be wise. To romantically objectify someone is not love, because real love is based on knowing and accepting a person for who they really are; it’s a less one dimensional experience. Fantasy is fantasy and reality is reality. The two can get blurred, but at some point they naturally become clearer.
With time, and choice, relationships often mature platonically anyway, however they start off, and can become intimate in deep multifaceted ways. There are many forms of intimacy and ways to express affection and love towards people. Platonic love is not less than Sexual love. In fact I reckon there’s some good ground to say it’s more. But this may be my age and stage in life I guess!
I’ve had several conversations recently on this topic with friends who recall to me significant female to female attractions they had in the past, which were deep bonds, established through vulnerable friendships of significant importance. Highly valuable attachments, which were cherished. For some of us this can blend in harmoniously with sexual love as well, and with others not, or less so, but whatever we conceive as our sexual identity or experience as our sexual orientation, (this itself is not set in stone) it’s the quality of the relationship itself which matters, along with the mutual integrity and level of communication.
Maybe it’s because infatuation and sexual desire often go together, we assume they are inseparable? My feeling is that the wider context of connection, mutuality, and compassionate, respectful love, is more important.
Whatever our individual perspective, the wider context is something we all need to work on, and learn to patiently become more open to each other and to become better at appreciating others differences and different perspectives, rather than become threatened or defensive about diversity.
Oh, back to the book. I’ve been carried away by my own train of thought! As I often do!
She continues ( I’ve selected sections of text);
A bit more here:
“Romantic love and friendship isn’t radical. It’s traditional, if you peek back far enough into our history. Even now, it is normal for close friends, to feel the heavy passion and idealisation that we typically deem appropriate only for spouses. Nearly all the best friends I’ve interviewed and read about have appeared to share some degree of romantic love as I’ve defined it. They are excited about and territorial of each other, idealise each other, or want to spend all their time together. When we pretend romantic love is abnormal in friendship. We leave people ashamed and confused by the deep love they feel for friends. Then, instead of expressing this love, they bury it.”
Last, but not least…
“Romantic attraction can crop up without sexual attraction. And just because we feel one doesn’t mean we feel the other. What happened? Why are we so much less comfortable now sharing this depth of love with our friends? Our discomfort with affection in friendships, coincides with the rise of homophobia, as it is expressed today. Before the 1900s sexual behaviours didn’t comprise an aspect of one’s identity, like they do today. Before 1868 There was no “Straight” or “gay” according to Hanne Blank author of “Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality” because sexual orientation wasn’t an identity. People were harshly stigmatised for having sex with someone of their gender, but not for being or even seeming gay.”
In the theme of this reading I also found this excellent and interesting article by Brandon Ambrosino :
https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20170315-the-invention-of-heterosexuality
which references some of the same reading. (Brandon Ambrosino has written for the New York Times, Boston Globe, The Atlantic, Politico, Economist, and other publications. He lives in Delaware, and is a graduate student in theology at Villanova University).
Its worth adding, he’s not saying (to my understanding) that embracing a concept of a distinct sexual identity for oneself, ie, lesbian, bisexual or homosexual, etc. is a bad thing, or doesn’t have a place, nor is he saying that recognising your sexual orientation can’t be helpful, rather he’s opening up a wider recognition of fluidity in sexual identities and orientations, and opening up a discourse on the way that language and cultural changes through history can be taken into consideration when we think about differences in our sexuality. It’s important to respect that how important a defined sexual identity is to a person is going to vary a lot; this too is an area of diversity with no “right” or “wrong” approach.
Sexuality is one, very important, facet of identity but it is not a person’s identity in its totality; We are more complex than this. Historical models of sexual identity have tended to view its formation as a process undergone only by sexual minorities, while more contemporary models view the process as far more universal and attempt to present sexual identity within the larger scope of other major identity theories and processes.
My opinion is that recognising this can be helpful to many people, because identity is very complex rich and varied, with the sexual being just one aspect. Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations, (plus the many variations we are now more aware of such as asexuality), are simply differences which we all benefit from accepting and respecting.
Well, that was an interesting stream of thought!
Winter Song by Anna Tabbush
Beautiful. I’ve been meditating on this song, and its making me cry rather a lot, but that’s all good! I have icy parts of my life and heart which need melting, and this song seems to be doing the job well!
“Winter Song”, below is a version sung by “The Wilderness Yet”
Winter Song by Anna Tabbush
When all life has left the ground
When ice like diamond sparkles around
When Jack Frost creeps under your skin
Cold winds blow out the fire within
When the swallow takes her flight
When the day is filled with night
Light a flame to guide you through
Spring will surely come to you
Darkness fills the icy gloom
Still and silent as a tomb
When the heart is heavy with woe
Fill up this room with an earthly glow
Strike a flame and touch a hand
For that is the gift of man
Light the love to guide you through
Spring will surely come to you. “
Thanks to Anna Tabbush for permission to publish the words of her poem here. Check out her work here:
Winter Song was written by Anna Tabbush, and there is another beautiful rendition of it here:
My favourite lines…
Cold winds blow out the fire within
When the day is filled with night
Light the love to guide you through
Spring will surely come to you
There is no way I can’t post up my digital image “Spring Will Come”… Its not new, one of my early ones, but the emotion behind it when it was created matches the song, so it’s reminded me of it!
spring will come digital image jenny meehan ©jenny meehan
I created “Spring will Come” in 2008 when I was facing some hard situations, so the sight of some daffodils in the garden in the snow was an image I was motivated to experiment with digitally. Coldness, icy-ness, frozen water, glass, in my work act as a metaphor for the “freeze” state: very much an inability to move or to feel emotionally.
Ida Applebroog
![The Mother & The Weaver Marginalia (Baby with Weight), 1992 Ida Applebroog (b.1929) Oil and resin on canvas '[The subject of my work is] how power works - male over female, parents over children, governments over people, doctors over patients.' This disturbing image depicts a baby, physically bound and weighted, which makes symbolic reference to an abuse of power. Viewed from behind, the angle emphasises the child's vulnerability. The detail of the weight might suggest the presence of an emotional burden, or it could have more sinister connotations. This painting is from an extended and open-ended series called Marginalias (or 'notes in the margin'), though each painting is a stand-alone work. Applebroog embraces the new meanings that changes of contexts provide.](https://jennymeehan.files.wordpress.com/2023/11/img_20231115_151103_copy_600x800.jpg?w=584)
Came across this interesting work at the Foundling Museum! Here’s the text which was with it…
“The Mother & The Weaver Marginalia (Baby with Weight), 1992 Ida Applebroog (b.1929) Oil and resin on canvas ‘[The subject of my work is] how power works – male over female, parents over children, governments over people, doctors over patients.’
This image of a baby, physically bound and weighted makes symbolic reference to an abuse of power. The weight may suggest the presence of an emotional burden, or “it could have more sinister connotations” the text presented with it goes. I’m thinking about putting a weight on something you throw in water to make it sink… Maybe that is what they meant by that?
The painting is from an open-ended series called Marginalias (or ‘notes in the margin’), though each painting is also a stand-alone work.
Born Ida Appelbaum, Ida Applebroog was a multi-faceted artist, known for her paintings and sculptures dwelling on gender, sexual identity, and power dynamics. Her journey began with graphic design and freelancing, then developed into an exploration of societal norms.
A period of self-discovery in the late 1960s led to her iconic “bathtub sketches,” laying the foundation for her feminist-centric artistry.
Returning to New York in 1974, she embraced her new identity, Ida Applebroog, diving deeper into the societal and political discourse through her art. A series of self-published books, exhibitions, and an active part in feminist art collectives marked this period. Her work found homes in revered institutions like the Museum of Modern Art and Guggenheim Museum, solidifying her stance in the art community.
Applebroog spent the past half-century conducting a sustained enquiry into human relations. At once beguiling and disturbing, her work explores themes of violence and power, gender politics, women’s sexuality, and domestic space.
Here’s some snippets of her spoken expression;
‘I’ve been practising art for so many years, more than I can tell you right now. It’s always been the same. The point is that I always have things going on in my head. There’s a lot of note taking. Sometimes it goes wrong, but out of that comes something else, and like a snowball it just keeps gaining momentum. And time goes on until finally one piece informs the other piece, and you end up with a body of work,’
“It’s hard to say what is your work about. But for me it’s really how power works,”
“Male over female, parents over children, governments over people, doctors over patients.”
“I don’t consider myself a sculptor or a painter or a book artist or a conceptual artist. I just make art”.
“No matter what I see, no matter what I do, it all feeds me.
Anybody that creates, they’re going to find a way to create. It doesn’t matter how.”
Ida Applebroog died on October 22, 2023
The Mother & The Weaver
Here’s a quote from the Foundling Museum website:
“‘The Spider is an ode to my mother. She was my best friend. Like a spider, my mother was a weaver.’ – Louise Bourgeois, 2001
This landmark exhibition presents an opportunity to explore the Museum’s historic collection in a new light.
The Mother & The Weaver takes the unseen mother, a central part of the Foundling Museum’s story, as a point of departure to explore complex ideas around motherhood, childhood, love, loss, sexuality and identity. Occupying the whole museum, this landmark exhibition shows over 40 works from the Ursula Hauser Collection, all by women artists, in conversation with historic objects and works of art from the Foundling Museum’s collection.
The exhibition presents modern and contemporary works of art in a variety of media, including painting, textiles, sculpture, video and works on paper. The internationally celebrated artists on display include Louise Bourgeois, Marlene Dumas, Luchita Hurtado, Maria Lassnig, Sonia Gomes and Pipilotti Rist.
Maternal presence or absence, and the complex emotions that each arouses, informs many of the works in the exhibition. Others are more suggestive, hinting at complex histories of displacement and fractured identity. Themes and ideas around what it means to be a ‘good’ mother or woman, explored in the contemporary works, take on new and forceful meanings in the context of the Foundling Museum.
By presenting these works in juxtaposition with the Museum’s collection, visitors are invited to explore our stories with fresh eyes.
Ursula Hauser has been building her collection of modern and contemporary art since the 1980s. She selects artworks that captivate and move her, and places a special emphasis on female artists.
Supported by Taylor Wessing and The 1739 Club.”
Foundling Museum in London
Belly Cushion 1968 Alina Szapocznikow
” Brzuch-poduszka / Ventre-coussi (Belly Cushion), 1968 Alina Szapocznikow (1926-1973) Mousse polyurethane
As I grapple with my own feelings about my own belly, this piece held a special place for me during my visit! The text provided was as follows:
‘I am convinced that of all the manifestations of the ephemeral, the human body is the most vulnerable, the only source of all joy, all suffering, and all truth.’
Polish artist Szapocznikow here focuses on the belly, often perceived as the source of human life through pregnancy. These cushions were based on casts the artist made of a friend’s stomach. They were intended for mass production but were never produced at scale. Szapocznikow survived the Holocaust in the concentration camps of Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen. She rarely spoke of her traumatic experiences, instead choosing to process them through her art.”
Quoted from exhibition display
Spider V, 1999 Louise Bourgeois
The Mother & The Weaver
“Spider V, 1999 Louise Bourgeois (1911-2010) Bronze Ed. 4/6 + 1 AP
‘I came from a family of repairers. The spider is a repairer. If you bash into the web of a spider, she doesn’t get mad. She weaves and she repairs it.’
The spider is one of the most recognisable motifs in Bourgeois’s work. These spiders refer to her own mother who was a weaver and worked in the family’s tapestry restoration business. As spiders ‘weave’ thread from their own bodies, they are also a symbol of female creativity.”
Quoted from exhibition display
I’ll post some more from this visit in later posts!
She was Fragile like a Bomb
Over the Winter months I tend to graduate towards digital media and writing, so though I’m posting a lot of my paintings this month I will also share some recent digital work with you.
She was fragile like a bomb by Jenny Meehan
I ask myself how to embrace and channel anger into passionate action, purpose, and insight, rather than to let anger become rage, which is destructive.
My Mother is an Empty chair ©jenny meehan
I ask myself how my mother’s absence, both psychological/emotional and physical, has impressed upon me and the way a loss presence may lessen my inner sense of stability and security.
Unravelling a Wire Nest
I created two short videos for the “16 days of activism against violence” which runs from 25th November to 10th December each year. “Unravelling a Wire Nest” is a poem I wrote over the 16 days of activism against violence period. I’ve been working on the initial draft and I’ve settled in this video poem as the end result:
The video poem I’ve titled “Love Needs No Power – Unravelling a Wire Nest”
There is also “Wire Nest without Words”
https://youtu.be/QYAo4PRyt68?feature=shared.
I think I’ll probably work into that again at some point.
In the subject of poetry, I found a poem recently and love it to bits! I’ll be taking more of a look at Sharon Owens work for sure! It’s called Dangerous Coats by Sharon Owens. I won’t quote it all because I haven’t sought permission, but here’s a fragment:
“So ladies, start sewing
Dangerous coats
Made of pockets & sedition”
Sharon Owens is a writer and painter based in Belfast, Northern Ireland. She graduated from the Belfast School of Art with a degree in Illustration in 1992 and began writing Women’s Fiction in 2002.
Here’s a link:
Below are a few random sections from some of my paintings to (nearly) finish off with!
Section of Abstract painting by contemporary painter poet jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan Lyrical Abstraction London artist in art journal
Abstract painting by contemporary painter poet jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan Lyrical Abstraction London artist in art journal
It’s been some time since I painted, but I look back on my previous paintings and it kind of feeds my mind, it’s almost like I’m going through the process of painting them again. I still feel I’m learning from them. It’s rather like looking at an experiment or exploration you made and rediscovering things all over again. I do believe contemplation is powerful.
Women Catholic Bishops
Though I am not part of the Catholic Church, it does represent a large section of the the Christian faith population, and my past participation in various retreat days and courses run by the London Jesuit Centre in London became my introduction to some aspects of Catholic perspectives and tradition. All very very good for me, as past experience was very Protestant, and, as with everything, biased in its own way.
So it was good to open myself up to some of the beautiful facets of the tradition, and a blessing indeed. It makes me sad though that there are so many women in the church held back, restricted, and limited in areas of ministry. There are moves to change this. It’s less than the best, in my view.
How lovely it is that rivers burst their banks sometimes, and women move forwards anyway, in faith, love and hope. An example is this is
The Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests (ARCWP). It is part of the world-wide Roman Catholic Women Priests movement. This traces its origin to the ordination of seven women to the priesthood by a male Roman Catholic bishop on June 29, 2002.
The ordinations took place at Passau in southeastern Germany, on the Danube River, and the “Danube 7” became the first priests of the movement. In 2003 two of the Danube 7 were ordained bishops, with a third woman from the group receiving episcopal ordination in 2005. Additional ordinations of deacons, priests, and bishops followed throughout the world.
Not surprisingly, The Roman Catholic Church has denied the validity of any ordination in the movement, and it has excommunicated women who have received ordination. This is sad, tragic, and strange, because
The Women Priests movement affirmed the validity of its ordinations, claiming that the Roman Catholic male bishop who ordained the first woman bishop was a bishop with apostolic succession within the Roman Catholic Church in communion with the pope.
I’m not really into the apostolic succession stuff, but they do have a very logical point in keeping with their tradition.
In the wake of the ordination of twelve women in Pittsburgh in 2006 there emerged a new group called Roman Catholic Women Priests (RCWP)–North America. This group divided in early 2007 into a separate Canadian organization and one called RCWP-USA. ARCWP began as the Southern Region of RCWP-USA. In 2010 members of this southern regional group, led by Bishop Brigid Mary Meehan and priests Janice Sevre-Dusynska and Judy Lee, broke away from RCWP-USA to form the Association of Roman Catholic Women Priests. Their differences of opinion with RCWP-USA over decision-making and social activism precipitated the break. ARCWP dates its origin as a separate organization within the world-wide Women Priests movement to October 21, 2010.
Since 2010 ARCWP established its own governing structure, and carried out the ordinations of many deacons, priests, and bishops who have gone on to pursue a variety of ministries. The ARCWP is an intentionally non-hierarchical organization that aspires to a consensus model of governance.
So, from a small beginning, such a lot can grow. I can see how this would be viewed as something that the more conservative in the Catholic Church would not want to grow. But grow it does, and grow it will, and where the Holy Spirit is, there is life, growth, faith, and women. Women free to move in authority, in equal authority, in Love and service.
According to its Mission Statement: “The Association of Roman Catholic women priests, therefore, responds to this call from the Holy Spirit, in our time, by preparing, ordaining and supporting qualified women and men, from all states of life, who are committed to a model of Church grounded in Jesus’ vision of an open table, where all are welcome. By our living and ministering within a community of equals, we are respectful of differences among people. In the tradition of our mystics and prophets, we challenge the dominance of patriarchal systems by promoting practices of equality that lead us to recognize and stand for justice on behalf of all people, locally and globally, and on behalf of the urgent needs of Eco-justice for our planet.”
Ah, there is hope and more. Onwards and upwards. Progress is natural. Change is vital. Life is love, and” a community of equals” is common sense, commonality, Communion in the most Christian sense.
Well, that’s me for now. Godde bless!
“Harbour Painting” Abstract painting by contemporary painter poet jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan Lyrical Abstraction London artist in art journal
River Journey Abstract painting by contemporary painter poet jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan Lyrical Abstraction London artist in art journal
Image Licensing – Jenny Meehan
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Mending Abstract painting by contemporary painter poet jenny meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan Lyrical Abstraction London artist in art journal
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Venus de Milo – Thelma – “The Night Woman” by Julene Robinson – Spiritual Formation – Women in Revolt at Tate Britain – Dr Roger Walsh Quote
December 1, 2023
MY body and MY art
I’m currently realising how much mental and emotional trauma impacts physical bodies as much as mind and heart at the moment. So many people write on this topic, yet for me the simple realisation that I’m still holding onto emotions I can release, if I give myself permission, is all I really need to know in practice. However, it is interesting to look at work I have carried out with a deeper understanding maybe of the purpose it was serving for me?
When I am painting I often dance or do some yoga moves, especially if I am experimenting with paint on different surfaces and playing around with paint application rather than attempting to pull an image together. I find it helpful as I do get some pain and discomfort at times when my bones seem to protest… Its osteoarthritis coming into play and moving is the best thing to do in response.
Thelma Sculpture
Thelma – “Her Water Supply was Cut Off, but her Spirit was Strong”
I’ve got Thelma out of her box. The brown wax version. I’m not sure what to do with her now. But I’m tempted to play. I haven’t worked on anything three dimensional for a while!
The plaster version of her became Exhibit Two: “Venus de Milo”, a sculpture I’ve shared on this blog more than once I suspect. It’s part of a series of three artworks: Exhibit 1: “The ruined woman” (a painting) Exhibit Two: “Venus de Milo” (plaster sculpture) and Exhibit Three: “Violence Vigil – Watch and Pray”.(video)
Above images show different angles of “Venus de Milo” by Jenny Meehan. It’s plaster and coated with beautiful Keim Mineral Paint, Soldalit the be precise, which is a Sol-Silicate paint.
The three works together are under the title “Evidence” and I made this collection of three works, inspired by watching a few information videos on the work of a forensic scientist and what they need to do when they get to a crime scene.
I discussed the artworks in one of my Psychotherapy sessions in 2021 and the session helped me to discern what was the symbolic resonance for me. It may sound strange, as rape is obviously a crime, but when a person is deeply traumatised and has been a victim of violence many times over in their lives, to normalise a criminal violation by blocking out the reality and depth of the transgression, I think this is something many people can relate to, sadly.
I can write about the other artworks in another post, but I will stick with the Exhibit Two: “Venus de Milo” for the time being.
My plaster sculpture had been nameless for a long time. It was sitting in a box in the cupboard for several years. It’s made of plaster and coated with the wonderful Keim Soldalit Sol-silicate mineral paint which I love so much. Its on a wooden base with cotton cloth, again soaked in the Keim Soldalit paint which is beautifully soft and highly light reflective. Matt to perfection.
The emotional, psychological, and spiritual gravity of it, maybe because it’s a physical object, has always been, and still is, hard for me to comprehend and take in fully, which made giving it a name extremely difficult. In my therapy session, even looking at an image of it was extremely overwhelming.
Venus de Milo’s broken off arm is her characteristic feature! An unfortunate accident with my plaster Thelma figure… (In which her head fell off because the plaster was not fully dry when I picked her up by her head!), led to me then deciding to snap off a piece from her already truncated arm. Life’s like that, it seems… No one or no thing is exempt, however beautiful, and of whatever status!
In her brokenness, I accepted her; let’s face it, what makes Venus de Milo unique is her broken arm. Without that, she just be another nice statue. Another nice female goddess. There are so many!
There is also a connection between “The Ruined Woman” (colour painting and black and white print) and “Venus de Milo”… A strange dialectic between the (idealised) goddess and the broken (real) woman. The woman is “ruined” in the historic sense of the phrase, solely because she has had sex out of wedlock.
And there is the other, deeply tragic and traumatic, ruination of a sense of self that comes to someone through the criminal act of rape, (and other forms of violent crime) which is far more destructive and a greater loss than can ever be seen from the outside looking in.
Exhibit 3 “Violence Vigil – Watch and Pray” can be viewed in my you tube channel.
So that’s the three artworks in the “Evidence” series. After completing the sculpture “Venus de Milo” I then used it along with my poem “Bandage Box” in the short film “Artefact/Artifact”
Looking back now to the beginnings…
Here are some images below of the earlier sculpture in wax variations. (Way back in 2014!) The images show it’s varied expressions/manifestations, but it looks rather different now, as I changed a lot in order to make it suitable for casting!
Early images taken in studio on course…
The life model for the course was a lovely lady, Thelma Purcell, and it was only right to keep her name to this sculpture, as she inspired its first stages not only my means of her life pose but also in conversation and personality. The theme of water and fluidity came from her practical household problem of having no water supply!
Then later experiments
It’s went through several phases.. including a female bishop (in celebration of the ordination of women bishops).
The story behind “Thelma – Her Water Supply was Cut Off, but her Spirit was Strong” (which is the title at the stage shown below!) lies in the experiences of the life model, who, in the midst of the hot and roasting heat we experienced at the end of July 2014, had to endure the stoppage of her flat’s water supply! Her lovely character though didn’t suffer, and while I was working on my brown wax sculpture the theme of water emerged… of flow, and of fluidity.
I joked how lovely it would be to have a wonderful fine spray of water falling down from above… I thought that I may well play with this thought as I continued.
The sculpture was carried out on a three day course at Morley College taught by Shelley Wilson. This was a complete joy, as I had wanted to learn about constructing an armature and working with wax for years. I do find it very important to try and do one short course each year if possible, or if not possible, at least a few sessions of life drawing. It keeps things fresh, and makes the mind think of new directions and new possibilities.
I continued to work with the sculpture and the sculpture took on more than one life of it’s own. With the need to fill in some areas due to my desire to cast the sculpture, I then let other ideas emerge. The sculpture went from it’s very watery focus, with it’s root in the memory of the model herself, Thelma Purcell, and then took several other forms…Such is the wonder of modelling with brown wax, I found. It’s so flexible.
With many gaps filled in, a greater sense of body came to be. This was a great process…quite therapeutic. This is what psychotherapy does for me, I was thinking…That patient fleshing out and filling in of my sense of self. Healing. A kind of spiritual formation process… and, for a Christ believer, as I am, all the art working I do is a sacramental practice. An outer sign of an inward grace. A sign of Christ’s work, on the cross, and in the world, through the Holy Spirit. This kind of thinking brought me swiftly to the very topical matter of the ordination of women bishops in the Church of England…and one of the versions of Thelma, as you see, took the form of a female bishop!
If you enjoy my content and would like to encourage me through material means I’d be very grateful. There isn’t the option for me to thank you via PayPal, so ‘Thank You’ from me in advance if you decide you want to do this!
“The Night Woman” by Julene Robinson
I had a wonderful time at The Barbican recently. It’s one of my favourite places! I saw a performance of “The Night Woman” by Julene Robinson. It was showing in The Pit from Thu 19—Sat 21 Oct 2023. I feel privileged to have seen it, and I hope she makes a book or something else from it because it was very a powerful, deep, and healing piece of work and performance. It’s described as so :
“A compelling new play about the power of Black womanhood, darkness and the redemptive power of self-love, told through captivating fusion of dance, singing and music.
Inspired by the true story of Robinson’s grandmother who was shunned and ostracised to the dark corners of post colonial Jamaica due to her African spiritual beliefs, The Night Woman acts as a reminder that even though misery and suffering exist in the darkness, it’s also where love is made and resistance is formed.
Skilfully portraying three different women who’ve found strength in unexpected places, Robinson guides the audience on an exhilarating journey transitioning through time and generations ending in our present day, with Jamaican folk songs and Afro-Caribbean movement taking centre stage.
Julene Robinson (The Witcher, Get up, Stand Up!) is an award-winning writer and performer. The Night Woman was developed as part of the Barbican Open Lab programme.”
I stayed for the questions afterwards and discovered that Julene made the costumes and devised the set also. I was particularly interested in her use of rope because I have researched the use of rope (sometimes called shibari) used specifically as a healing modality, in a focused, non sexual context. The centre piece in the set was a rope structure which made me think of both a tree and a placenta.
She started with rope on one arm, which she then transferred to the other, in a powerful visual symbol, of the things which bind one generation being passed to the other (my understanding/perception.. Unfortunately not enough time to ask about the rope symbolism as she intended more precisely!).
In a later section she removed it, but then there was a self flagellation scene with a rope whip, where her self hatred, will to die, and a descent into total despair within an innermost psychological darkness, was expressed in a deeply moving and resonate way. In the context of the drama, her personal story and it’s themes this was powerful, and multi layered in such a way that I could relate to it intimately even though my skin is a different colour and my family histories have different roots.
Her suffering related to words and actions experienced because of her being a black woman, and a rejection of blackness and darkness on many other levels, including the language and imagery used in the bible in parts, was a profound revelation and vital expression of something important to take note of.
I have often thought about some of the difficulties inherent in a light/dark polarity, for example, in relation to ideas in spirituality. Through my interest in Christian mysticism and depth psychology themes, I’ve explored a little the value of unknowing, of being in the dark, of darkness being a mothering, creative, powerful and positive state… Womb like. Secure.
These, and many other themes and facets of her personal narrative and a wider historical narrative and context, were expressed – too many for me to do justice to in my own personal response here.
Primarily this was a play centred around Black womanhood, which it’s obviously important to stress, even though I’m sharing my personal perspectives here. Yet as a woman, my sense of sisterhood forged an intimacy with the expression on many levels, and I’m a great believer in looking for commonality and connection, rather than differences relationally in my daily life. Oppression comes in many forms, and the abuse of power, instead of respectful mutuality, is a great shame, injuring many throughout history. The work is a triumph in expressing the power of compassionate love, and it’s a great truth that love does triumph.
I’m totally grateful for the opportunity to have seen and experienced “The Night Woman”. Thank you Julene Robinson!
As mentioned earlier, rope was used in many interesting ways and it would be nice to know more about the staging decisions and their inspirations. The beautuful macrame dress she wears as the night woman triumphant to my perception was the transformation of her oppression into a garment of strength and beauty. Perfect!
I know I’ll be continuing to reflect on how rope might be a tool or symbol in embodiment, mindfulness and non- sexual experience/expression. I can see how it might function as a healing modality within a psychotherapeutic framework with a focus on bring held and holding; a holding environment sense, as in the metaphor developed by Donald Winnicott, of a mother holding her baby.
On the topic of darkness, in a biblical context, I found this piece of writing “Darkness is important for your health, and your faith.” by the Rev Ken Cadette. Here’s a quote, but you can find the full article via the link at the end.
“God did not abolish darkness at creation. God added light. But for many, darkness symbolizes all that is negative, harmful, evil and fearful. God gave equal importance and prominence to darkness and light, and all life, including human life, begins and develops in the dark.
Scientists have referenced the importance of darkness in the circadian rhythm — the sleep wake cycle — and they advise that we sleep in the dark. If this dark/sleep cycle is disrupted, our health can be affected. A disrupted circadian rhythm can increase the chances of cardiovascular events, obesity and neurological problems.”
Another snippet..
“Darkness is not a barrier to God. Psalm 139:12 describes God’s response to darkness: “Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
We enter darkness to pray as we close our eyes to focus and avoid distractions. This then could be one purpose of spiritual darkness. It is a pulling away from the visions and distractions in the light and focusing the mind and heart on God. Here is where we begin to grow — in the dark.”
The Rev. Victor “Ken” Cadette an ordained minister affiliated with the American Baptist Churches of New Jersey.
Quoted from
47 Nelson Square
Jeff Brown Quote
“When we are young, it’s the illusion of perfection that we fall in love with. As we age, it’s the humanness that we fall in love with- the poignant stories of overcoming, the depthful vulnerability of aging, the struggles that grew us in karmic stature, the way a soul shaped itself to accommodate its circumstances. With less energy to hold up our armor, we are revealed and, in the revealing, we call out to each other’s hearts. Where before wounds turned us off, they are now revealed as proof that God exists. Where we once saw imperfect scars, we now see evidence of a life fully lived.” Jeff Brown
Neil and myself are enjoying getting out and about to various folk and jazz gigs, and though we didn’t go to the one that this video was filmed at, we have really enjoyed a more recent Suntrap gig, plus several others. We are fortunate to have so much opportunity around us to hear great bands and I’m discovering so many beautiful voices and talented musicians, it’s quite amazing how talented people are! Just lovely!
Art Journal Writing
I enjoy writing and talking about my artworking, though I often think of Henry Moore saying ” It is a mistake for a sculptor or a painter to speak or write very often about his job. It releases tension needed for his work.”
I heard or read that quote years ago and it has stuck with me. I completely “get” this. However, I love writing, and find that writing a little retrospectively about my artworks is something very helpful. It’s part of a reflective creative practice. Writing is a way of clarifying my thinking sometimes.
I find that, because I have so much work, ( I have numerous works in progress at any one time) my energy doesn’t dissapate in a bad way. If anything, looking back and writing on completed artworks from the near or distant past works as an idea generating tool for the present. Maybe it’s the timing which is important?
There is a lot of emphasis on things being “new”. But newness springs from the ground it’s rooted in, and paying attention to my own personal narrative manifest in past expressions always leads to exciting new directions, without fail. There’s the new perspective of the present time which brings something new into the equation straight away. Possibilities are always limitless!
It’s quite “the thing” nowadays for artists to share their work in progress. Because this is interesting, apparently. But I’m sure there’s an equal number who are quite happy to just view the end result! 😂
I regularly work (with my paintings in particular) in very piecemeal, gradual, and extended process, with work coming out and being put away, over a period of years. Privacy is part of the process. Its like a baby in a womb maybe. Good to keep in the dark and warm before exposure! It’s nice to be able to share some of it online though. Physical galleries are great too, but they don’t always include a lot of interesting information about the context of the art work on show.
Dr Roger Walsh Quote
“One of the great tragedies of our times is that our culture has confused love with addiction. Of course, there are also more mature forms of love, and healthy relationships and families depend on them. Mature love is based more on sufficiency and wholeness than deficiency and fear. But fear-based infatuation and craving for affection are so common and fill so much of the media that we sometimes assume this is all love can be.”
Below are some sections of different examples of my work. I post a lot on Instagram, so do please follow me if you use Instagram!
https://instagram.com/jennymeehan_jennymeehan
I’m kicking off with this journal post with a brief look at a couple of examples of Cezanne’s painting I’ve been enjoying. Here they are!
Christ in Limbo (Le Christ aux Limbes)
This, and Sorrow, or Mary Magdalin, are the two parts of the picture which was divided when it was removed from the wall of the salon at the Jas de Bouffan.
The characteristics of the two parts are well understood. The Christ in Limbo was derived from Charles Blanc’s illustration of a picture in the Prado which is now known to be by Sebastiano del Piombo.
The Magdalen comes from a Magdalen picture by Domenico Feti in the Louvre where it is entitled La MÉLANCOLIE.
I found these images when doing some sorting out. One of the great things about tidying up is rediscovery, and I’ve always been a fan of Cezanne’s painting. I particularly singled these put because I’m looking and thinking about the figure and ways to approach depicting it, and part of this process of reflection and consideration involves discerning what I like and what I feel moves me.
I’ll be experimenting for a while. Though a lot of my visual expression utilzes abstraction, the human body and the way we relate and connect to it is of considerable interest to me. It’s not the most publically exhibited strand of my creative working, but it’s always been there. My practice of Yoga, engagement in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, and contemplative spirituality have and continue to be vital practices which help me with connection to my self and others, and the dissociation experienced as part of the unfolding of my own life story has, I suppose not unsurprisingly, ended up as a significant theme which is most appropriately explored through figurative imagery and forms.
A Women’s Childbirth Story
Here’s a rather long poem on the topic of childbirth, yet its long with great purpose, reflecting in itself the lengthy process which characterised both labour physically and emotionally!
Words Poem 2023 by Jenny Meehan
Poem #birth #childbirth #maternity #mother #midwives #midwife #Caesarean
Words! Edited 2023
I’m walking out of our front door,
when my waters break!
What timing!
A gush of excitement!
I can hardly wait!
I’ve never done this
before!
But… “The hospital is very busy! “
I’m rather inconvenient,
I discover.
The timing might be good for me, but it seems it’s good
for too many others!
IN THE HOSPITAL
I go up the stairs and
down the stairs…
‘Sorry – There’s no room free!’
Up the stairs and
down the stairs…
Mind you – I’m doing what’s best for me!
I’m inside the delivery room now:
Look at the bed!
I’d quite like a chat, but I’m shown
“how it works”
instead.
The midwife seems distant…
Soon, she really is,
as we’re left on our own,
in a bit of a tizz.
“The hospital is busy.”
The midwife is not
‘with me’
My husband doesn’t know
what to do
I’m feeling
panicky!
Contractions come, contractions go,
I hear feet, in the hall.
At last!
The midwife’s here again
But she’s standing
by the wall!
As soon as I can get off
the monitor,
I’m crawling on the floor
for this earthy-birthy
business
I was designed for!
Burrowing into myself now;
things are really moving on.
Pain is here, yes,
but that’s alright; inside I’m feeling strong.
“You’re doing really well.”
Into my heart, they creep;
those four
sweet words of
encouragement
are words
I choose
to keep.
But later on
I hear another voice;
“Your contractions are not strong enough.”
Good God! They feel strong enough to me!
I wish you’d just
said
that things were always
hard,
with a babe
placed posteriorly!
Does this mean my uterus isn’t
up to this?
That I can’t do it
after all?
Some syntocinon
might be needed…
It’s bound to hurt
more.
A flash of doubt
starts cutting;
cutting, through my mind…
An Epidural! – I’ll go for that –
A needle in my spine!
THE “MOBILE” EPIDURAL
I’m 8cms.
When it’s done,
I’m unmoving.
Yes, the pain is gone,
Yet, I’ve lost more than I thought…
This ‘heaven’
is suddenly
still
and
silent.
Baby? Where are you?
Still there?
I can hear your ‘Beep beep beep.’
Something has ended
but it had only just begun?
Lying on the bed – nearly
flat
on my back…
There I was,
in no position
to change anything.
Progression
at a halt.
NOW
In retrospect,
I tell myself
it was ‘Circumstances’.
My dictionary tells me
the definition;
‘ Conditions, facts, or events accompanying, conditioning, or determining others’
It was.
I agree.
Yet my heart
still hurts.
I think I asked for
very little
on my maiden voyage
into motherhood.
THEN
What I wanted
was
you;
my midwife; a mother/sister figure, who
is sure
and strong
and keen
Who’ll help, suggest and
if I’m weak
Who’ll lovingly
be mean!
NOW
I’m my mind
I am caught
in the “then”
and “now”
- I have interrupted
my own poem – - I ‘wanted’ ‘then’ –
- I ‘wanted’ ‘now’ –
Just like my ‘failure to progress’
I used to feel that
my poem was
too long.
I berated myself
over it.
Over
and over it.
NOW
I’m adding
extra
words.
It is me
who makes
the interruption.
The words
I speak
are mine.
I am the midwife
of myself:
My head
is crowning
just fine.
I’m still looking back at my poem.
From ‘now’ to ‘then’ , I read
THEN
I read;
‘At last! A sweet face
is drawing closer!
“Good news! Baby’s coming down
and turning around!”
My clever baby!
How did you do it?’
Then, soon after:
‘Another doctor is here now;
he thinks it’s been too long;
14 hours and Syntocinon
to hurry thing along.
“The operating theatre’s free soon!”
He thinks he’ll give me a hand…
My disappointed face
he doesn’t understand.
He doesn’t think to ask me
what I would rather do,
though baby’s fine, and
I am tired,
but ever pulling through.
He thinks he’s doing me a favour
and is clearly
unaware
as he voices
his concerns
that he’s growing fear,
in here.
And growing doubt,
and growing doom,
and growing expectation
that the only
answer in the room will be…
YES…
To a major operation!
“You have been on Syntocinon for quite a while
and I’m a bit worried about the possibility
of your uterus
rupturing.”
Oh God! Am I about to burst?
Is that what he is saying?
Like a juicy grape, I’ll split…
His steady words are slaying
any hope of carrying on…
I can’t ‘just wait and see’
if
the drugs
they’ve put me on
prove
too stimulating
for me!
Just add a bit of self-doubt…
A touch, or two, of fear…
You white god of my universe
I wish you were not here!
WHITE GOD
You must know, what you are doing?
You must know, more than me?
Or is it fear that haunts you too
And makes you feel less free?
Just in case of complication.
Just in case of litigation.
Just in case –
It’s too hard for me.
“It’s very unlikely they’ll let you try
for a normal delivery next time.”
NOW
I remember…
He smiled then, as he passed the consent form toward me to sign.
He smiled;
a matter of fact, professional, smile.
He was certain.
“It’s very unlikely they’ll let you try
for a normal delivery next time.”
Or was this as he took the form
from me?
It may have been?
I am not sure.
I do know
it was at the exact
time
of the confident,
self-assured
smile.
I didn’t want
to remember this.
He did a good job of the operation.
THEN
‘Oh…
I see…
My destiny
is sealed, already.
Well, fine.
I obviously do
have something very
wrong with me.
(3/4 hour later)
Ah!
The show begins!
The theatre curtain’s green!
My husband wears a funny hat!
All is scrubbed and clean!
A lot of people, looking on;
a spectacle, to see!
I wonder ‘what is showing now?’
Or rather,
Which part of me?
“Look at those fibroids –
they’re the whitish parts”
I’d almost like to see them too!
No.
Seriously…
It’s
really
awful
here
I’ve
really
lost
it all
What a spectacle to see?
I’m looking
at the wall.”
BABY: LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
” When they lifted you up, high!
My little babe,
It was worth it,
My little
STAR! “
We work on meeting
us,
together.
Drop seperation
like a green curtain.
Stitch our bonded bodies up.
Smile.
Together.
MEET, and mourn the loss.
Feel grateful
that pains
don’t last
forever.
We continue labour –
My little star, and I.
She is big and
even brighter!
We hear each others cry.
We continue labour –
My little star, and I.
He is big and
even brighter!
We hear each others cry.
Daughter born 1998
Son born 2002 (VBAC)
I dedicate this poem to the student midwife who said “You’re doing really well.” I don’t know your name, but you won’t be forgotten. Thanks.
©Jenny Meehan
Thoughts on “Words” Poem of 2023
People are especially vulnerable at times like this. I felt I was subject to a system of birth management which didn’t serve me as well as it had the potential to, if the communications had been better.
I may well have had a c section if my experience had been different; that’s not hard to recognise. What was harder to come to terms with was that I was not supported emotionally or psychologically by several key people at that time with compassion, empathy and a willingness to communicate in a manner which would help to empower me and facilite a sense of security. I know this would have been immensely beneficial at a vulnerable time.
It is relevant, that on looking through my hospital birth records, at a later date with a midwife friend, there were no medical signs of potential uterine rupture. I do believe it was wrong to utilise fear as a means to convince a labouring woman to consent to a caesarean section, which is basically what happened. Unintentional? I hope so.
Yet, the fact is, to say something to generate fear in me in this way, was not necessary. “I’m a bit worried about the possibility of your uterus rupturing.” was not appropriate. There was no rush for a decision to be made by me; a little more time and care could have been given. I needed care, not fear.
Other considerations in the professional opinion/decision that a caesarean section was the best way forward, which were more tangible, and more importantly, actually existed there and then, were mentioned briefly. I little more time and detail on these delivered in a person-centred and empathetic way, I’m pretty sure would have been equally successful in facilitating my decision to have a caesarean section. Actually, I’m certain of this. I’m a reasonable person, as I was then.
I’m also sure that there’s a decision I could have made from a secure and safe place, and this decision was effectively taken away from me, because of the way the process of informing me of the progression of my labour and gaining consent was handled.
It would have taken a few minutes longer, yes, but it would have made a world of difference. To say “yes” to going ahead with a caesarean section… minus the fear that the strongest muscle in my body was apparently thought quite likely to rupture, and without the belief that it was also not thought fit for purpose in the future either… would have been a more positive experience.
Instead, I was led to understand at that time, that the state of my uterus was such, (even though it had not even been cut open yet, or even viewed by human eyes! ) that it was both insufficient for both present and future purpose. It was also totally inappropriate and insensitive to say “It is very unlikely they will let you try for a normal delivery next time.” to a labouring woman. It was both ignorant and untrue. This man was playing god. Is that right? Is this what a weak man needs to do in order to feel potent?
At no point had any medical professional I had spoken to about my 3 subserosal fibroids said they would be a problem in labour. They were high enough not to be an obstruction. There was nothing wrong with my uterus.
The words of one man during that labour were like a curse which I later determined to break, but the courage and faith it took to even contemplate going through labour again were immense. My VBAC was only made possible through the support, faith, and wisdom of others, a lot of research/fact finding, and my desperate need to believe I wasn’t destined to be tied forever to the ill timed, manipulative words of one egotistical man who positioned himself above everything and everyone else at probably the most vulnerable time of my life.
Yes, that is harsh.
It was. The fear was a curse. The faith was a blessing.
Is to have a sense of safety and security nurtured as much as possible during labour a luxury, or an unrealistic expectation for someone giving birth for the first time? Was a total loss of having a sense of control unavoidable or could there have been another way through the experience? One in which I felt I was more connected to, and a more active part of, however things proceeded?
Further Reflections:
Looking back on the 1998 “Words” Poem (the original poem, substantial segments of which make up the main body of this one)
The “words” referred to in the title of this poem were the words which were spoken to me and which stuck with me for various reasons. All text in speech marks was spoken by a total of 8 different people, but that concerning the capability of my uterus was spoken by one; the man who cut into it.
I used the memory of all these snippets of communication as key elements in this poem. I used rhyme to convey a lightheartedness I desperately wanted, but couldn’t feel. When I wrote the poem it was a method I used in order to increase psychological distance from the inner distress of the experience. 24 year’s later I touched the distress I had tried to avoid in a therapy session, which was healing. Hence my reviewing of the poem!
As the poem proceeds, I try to keep up the rhythm through rhyme… Maybe even in the writing of it, the dissociation I felt during labour spilt out in this way? It’s a betrayal really…At the outset any humour is genuine, but it turns into a kind of disguise by the end. The doctor did a good job of the C section, there’s no question of that. How he communicated with me is another matter, and it took a lot of work to undo some of the psychological aspects of the experience.
A Damien Hirst style Mandala
Title: “Poor art” Parody; A Damien Hirst “style” Mandala created from waste and without assistants.”
This was my response to the exhibition Mandelas at White Cube Mason’s Yard.
This mandela started with waste in the form of printed wrapping paper.
I was brought up with the phrase “Waste not want not”, which is said to advise someone not to waste anything, because they might need it in the future. This seems a timely message humankind in the present era especially, and regardless of perceived value, in art or anything else, we should all be using the resources we have wisely, however much or little they cost.
I created this to put into Instagram in September 2019 as I thought it looked rather nice on the square format and with the light of my phone screen behind it. I wasn’t going to print it at all, because I felt it would look best as a projection, but I gave in in the end, as you do!
I posted it with the following blurb:
“Damien Hirst
I’m procrastinating… Because I have all the time in the world!
Title: “Poor art” parody; A Damien Hirst “style” Mandala created from waste and without assistants.” (ps. I really like his work and am pleased to see it myself, yet the exhibition Mandelas at White Cube Mason’s Yard attracts indignant commentary for different reasons.)
Responding to several critical points, here is my massive contribution to the so called “art world”. I have created, in no time at all, a non physically exist ant digital image and thrown it out into existence (with no worries about my reputation because I don’t have one). Freedom in that.
An example of cheap art which has its own temporary attraction. It both can and can’t be thrown away. I’ve thrown it out now.
It started with waste (printed wrapping paper) and it’s part of me procrastinating this Saturday morning! May it never be printed.. It must never return to pigments of any kind. To dust it will not return.
This, from I, a poor player… “And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.” Good bye, my butterfly piece.
It was fun while it lasted! 😘🤣🤣🤣 Price: £0 but not currently available. “
“Poor art” Parody; A Damien Hirst “style” Mandala created from waste and without assistants.”was printed in the end… And submitted to New Exhibition Climate KAOS coming at Kingston Museum Art Gallery | Friday 10 September 2021 – Saturday 26 March 2022
But it wasn’t selected. Drat. Does happen sometimes, never mind!
I renamed it “Mandala”, (well, added to it’s name to be accurate); basically through chatting with people about it during the Kingston Artists Open Studios this year, I spent most time explaining how it was made, printed, and the underlying main concept of it being something which started as a screwed up piece of paper, which I was just going to throw in my rubbish bin. Then to be transformed into something which prompted many people viewing it to think of magnificent stained glass windows or kaleidoscopic pattern.
I stuck with calling it simply “Mandala” for the Rose Theatre exhibition after reading this…
Wikki has this:
” A mandala (Sanskrit: मण्डल, romanized: maṇḍala, lit. ’circle’, [ˈmɐɳɖɐlɐ]) is a geometric configuration of symbols. In various spiritual traditions, mandalas may be employed for focusing attention of practitioners and adepts, as a spiritual guidance tool, for establishing a sacred space and as an aid to meditation and trance induction. In the Eastern religions of Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism and Shinto it is used as a map representing deities, or especially in the case of Shinto, paradises, kami or actual shrines.[1][2] A mandala generally represents the spiritual journey, starting from outside to the inner core, through layers.”
I chose” Mandala” alone rather than my full title for The Rose Theatre Exhibition which is coming up soon, because when I created it I was indeed in a very intense spiritual and creatively focused place. Sometimes that just happens. So when I read:
“In various spiritual traditions, mandalas may be employed for focusing attention of practitioners and adepts, as a spiritual guidance tool.”
I remembered the intense focus and speed at which I worked when creating it. So it seemed apt.
I still love the Title: “Poor art” parody; A Damien Hirst “style” Mandala created from waste and without assistants.” because it was a bit of a joke… Damien Hirst is able to use very expensive materials for his work if he wants to, while I am not, but the resources we have available to work with do not themselves represent the real value, as monetary value is it’s own entity, while spiritual, psychological and emotional value surpasses all.
I have my own signed laminated digital print in a Kingston Artists Open Studios Group Exhibition at The Rose Theatre this October! It’s available to buy, or if you want to take a look at some other options for prints of this artwork, take a look at my jennyjimjams redbubble page here:
https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/153001328
Kubla Khan by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
“meandering with a mazy motion”
I stumbled upon this line of a piece of paper when I was tidying up and it made me laugh as I remembered how much I fell in love with it year’s ago and how “meandering” snuck into my blog’s title!
Meandering is an excellent word, suggesting, in the context of river symbolism, the need to allow oneself to he carried and shaped… To be contained, and to follow the course, both as a subject and object, being acted upon and acting upon.
The course of a river is determined by itself and it’s surroundings…
“Even in an apparently straight river channel, water will twist and turn around stones and other obstacles. This will result in areas of faster and slower moving water and the river will gradually begin to flow a more winding course. Over time these meanders will become more and more pronounced.”
As a keen open water swimmer, there’s a particular pleasure in being carried along in the flow of a river! “meandering with a mazy motion” is one of my favourite things both mentally and physically!
I’m not sure about the negative associations with the word “meander”. I find, as a creative, much purposeful activity and a sense of direction can emerge with the kind of mindset that allows for flexibility, and while this does need to be channelled, there’s a lot to be said for “going with the flow” in life, to a certain extent at least!
“On the inside of the bend, where the river is slower, material gets deposited due to increased friction. This results in the formation of a slip-off-slope on the inside bend of the river. Over time, rivers change shape due to both erosion and deposition, causing the river to change shape and slowly migrate downstream.”
And so the way is made! Virtually every river meanders, some more dramatically than others. Not a bad pattern to gain inspiration from!
Well, let’s get to the main visual focus, which is my print” Alph the Sacred River”. This was created around 7 year’s ago by me in response to an Artist’s Call out for an exhibition inspired by the poem “Kubla Khan”. As my BA Hons degree was in Literature I have a particular interest in the relating to and responding to literature so I jumped at this opportunity to exhibit and create.
Quick general angle on a way to interpret the poem here;
“Kubla Khan” can be read as an extended metaphor or allegory about the powers of human creativity, with the river that runs through the grounds of Khan’s palace serving as a map of the human psyche and its creative powers. However, the speaker remains skeptical about his own capacity to realize that creative potential.”
I’m not going to quote the whole poem but here’s what I wrote for the submission;
Statement – Jenny Meehan
For Alph, the Sacred River
“This artwork responds to the water element in the poem ‘Kubla Khan’; “Alph, the sacred river” whose mysterious flow runs through its lines. Resonating with emotional highs and lows and “meandering with a mazy motion”, it carries the listener along with it.
Water is a subject matter which often preoccupies Jenny, occurring as a repeated motif in many of her paintings and prints. An interest in the subconscious and the resulting exploration “measureless to man” attracted her to this image.”
And here are some other phrases I’m rather fond of in it…
“caverns measureless to man”
“a sunless sea”
“sinuous rills”
“dancing rocks”
Such romantic imagery, and so vibrant and inspired!
Support Via Redbubble
Though primary a fine artist, I can’t resist a bit of design from time to time, and now the days grow dimmer and the nights darker, I’m moving out of the garden and painting and into the digital delights of pixels and digital imagery, plus the usual words and writing!
Swimship Design Example
is the link to shop for buying prints and products by designer Jenny Meehan
Open Water Swimming Poem.
https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/94840329 is the link to shop for buying prints and products by designer Jenny Meehan
I’m an independent artist, mostly investing my time into fine art (painting) and writing but I’m a keen open water swimmer, so my love for water and swimming naturally has spilt into my artworking! 🙂
I have an artist profile with redbubble, which are an online print on demand marketplace and I have a collection of open water swim art, poetry, and signage online.
You can get many different types of printed products suitable for all budgets. This is one of the main reasons I use redbubble as it makes my work accessible.
Any sales also generate a small income for me (an artist’s margin.. Its a bit like a royalty) which basically pays for my art materials.
So take a look! 🙂
Carter Heyward on Love
Yet more wise thoughts from Carter Heyward! Quoted from: Carter Heyward in “Touching Our Strength – The Erotic as Power and the Love of God”
“We are not automatic lovers of self, others, world, or God. Love does not just happen. We are not love machines, puppets on the strings of a deity called “love.” Love is a choice — not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile. Love is a conversion to humanity — a willingness to participate with others in the healing of a broken world and broken lives. Love is the choice to experience life as a member of the human family, a partner in the dance of life, rather than as an alien in the world or as a deity above the world, aloof and apart from human flesh.”
An early painting of mine, painted during a course at West Dean College tutored by John T Freeman. In that year, 2010, I was having a very hard time psychologically, the immediate reasons being coming to terms (or rather, not being able to come to terms) with the consequences of a violent physical assault on one of my siblings (traumatic brain injury) which though it had happened many years earlier in 1995, were becoming more obvious.
Also, I was more fully realising the impact on him and my relationship with him. His head injury was also mine; of course in a different way, however, still very painful. Hence the damaged and bloodied head. The volcanic eruption does symbolise the immense pressure of repressed emotions, and the crucifix my Christian faith, which though I did not loose it, took a massive battering too, and I did experience hopelessness big time.
I haven’t kept the whole painting, just a segment of it.
A couple of “Keim Galaxies”
Yoga Inspired Paintings
Taking another look at my paintings “Breath One” and “Breath Two” as I’m trying to increase the frequency of my Yoga practice over the Autumn and Winter.
Well, this post is pretty long, so it’s time to go now!
Bye
Hollis Frampton Letter – Christian Reflections – Myrrh Bears Poem – My Graduation – Redbubble Artist – Building Bridges
September 1, 2023
Art Journal September 2023 by Jenny Meehan
Hollis Frampton Letter
“It is All for Love and Honour”, is one letter written by Hollis Frampton, and it makes for a good read, I’d say, an essential read, for anyone working in the creative realm. I just love this letter, and read it regularly to myself whenever I come across situations or people who do not know how to value artworking.
Here’s a intro quoted from a website:
“In December of 1972, Donald Richie, then film curator at the Museum of Modern Art in New York, wrote to artist Hollis Frampton and suggested that they organise a retrospective of his work at this most prestigious of museums. To an artist of any standing, this would be a tempting offer; however, Frampton took issue with one particular line in the proposal, a single detail of Richie’s which rendered the suggestion entirely unattractive: “It is all for love and honor and no money is included at all…” Unwilling to work without financial reward, Frampton responded at length with a rousing letter, reprinted below in full, that has since become legendary in the art world for reasons which are plain to see. It’s fair to assume that a fee was later agreed: MoMA’s Hollis Frampton retrospective–The Films of Hollis Frampton–ran from March 8 -12, 1973.
This wonderful letter, and many more, features in the “More Letters of Note” book with permission of the Hollis Frampton Estate. “
Here is a link to the full text.
https://lettersofnote.com/2015/12/15/for-love-and-honor/
My favourite part is this:
” I’ll put it to you as a problem in fairness. I have made, let us say, so and so many films. That means that so and so many thousands of feet of rawstock have been expended, for which I paid the manufacturer. The processing lab was paid, by me, to develop the stuff, after it was exposed in a camera for which I paid. The lens grinders got paid. Then I edited the footage, on rewinds and a splicer for which I paid, incorporating leader and glue for which I also paid. The printing lab and the track lab were paid for their materials and services. You yourself, however meagerly, are being paid for trying to persuade me to show my work, to a paying public, for “love and honor”. If it comes off, the projectionist will get paid. The guard at the door will be paid. Somebody or other paid for the paper on which your letter to me was written, and for the postage to forward it.
That means that I, in my singular person, by making this work, have already generated wealth for scores of people. Multiply that by as many other working artists as you can think of. Ask yourself whether my lab, for instance, would print my work for “love and honor”: if I asked them and they took my question seriously, I should expect to have it explained to me, ever so gently, that human beings expect compensation for their work. The reason is simply that it enables them to continue doing what they do.
But it seems that, while all these others are to be paid for their part in a show that could not have taken place without me, nonetheless, I, the artist, am not to be paid.
And in fact it seems that there is no way to pay an artist for his work as an artist. I have taught, lectured, written, worked as a technician…and for all those collateral activities, I have been paid, I have been compensated for my work. But as an artist I have been paid only on the rarest of occasions.”
How many artists can relate to this? Rather a lot, because we all meet from time to time the expectation that we will be grateful to do something for free. This is quite different from choosing to donate or initiating something we do free ourselves.
As a mother who chose (and was able to choose) to make unpaid home management and mothering my main occupation, alongside my role and work as an artist/art tutor, its also been very interesting for me to keep in mind the truth this letter speaks in relation to my other main direction of time and energy. All of my investments matter. Its always helpful to appreciate that the fact one doesn’t receive monetary payment does not equate with a lack of value, though it’s so easy to fall into thinking that unpaid activities are somehow “less” because money symbolises value to a large extent in our capitalist society.
I’ve seen both my artwork and my mothering/homemaking impact people in very positive, significant, and sometimes even profound, ways. It’s precious and beautiful. I’ve also seen it not valued… But this is just life. The key thing, I think, is that we know ourselves, and the many expressions of ourselves, to be significant and of value. I’m grateful I know this now. I haven’t always. It’s been a welcome change to know value from the inside out.
Having said the above, it matters so much that work, in whichever kind of sphere, deserves pay. Holding an innate sense of value is great but doesn’t pay the bills. I love the way the Hollis Frampton Letter says it how it is!
When I first came across this Hollis Frampton Letter, I was stunned at the expectation that an artist would not require payment ever existed at such a “high” level in the twentieth century! The MoMA! Really! Its not a new letter and the 1970’s are a long way back, but it was both shocking to me and helpful. Helpful because there’s a tendency (when you are not “well known” and without a high profile reputation or cultural acknowledgement) to believe that the assumption you will work for free is only something encountered in the routine and out of the lime light areas of existence! It’s somehow helpful to realise how widespread a problem is, even if that’s not exactly encouraging, it helps.
Art art Art art
Just called this section “art” , because it’s a few random examples of some of my work I’ve been reflecting on and creating recently. I do give myself a bit of a break over August as it helps to keep things fresh. It’s a mistake not to have Sabbath periods.
Breakthrough (Barry) life drawing by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan
Collaging. I love it. Life comes our way in fragments. How lovely to join pieces together!
“Beautiful Loose Belly” life drawing by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams ©jenny meehan
I’m trying to recognise more of my own emotions in a fuller way, and this process involves, for me, embracing an acceptance of my belly… Yeah, really. I need to let things go in a good way, and this means accepting my rather prominent belly. If its the seat of my emotions, then I need to love it more! I’ve put this drawing up on my redbubble artist profile, so you can buy a print of it if you wish! I’ve called the print “Female Freedom.” I often use more than one title for a work, and giving a print a different name from the original drawing isn’t a bad idea… Its a more generalised, universal phrase “Female Freedom” but sits with my “Beautiful Loose Belly” very well!
https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/150404436
So not that much to show… But a very nice time in and around Weymouth on holiday!
Here’s a few photos…
Portland Bill Lighthouse.
This photo includes (in the far left), the seven metre tall white stone obelisk, built in 1844. It’s at the Southern tip of Portland Bill as a warning of a low shelf of rock extending 30 metres south into the sea.
Pulpit Rock, Portland Bill (the Pulpit Rock part is the piece behind the people!)
Christian Reflections
A quote from “My Utmost for His Highest”. by Oswald Chambers, has set me thinking I my usual meandering manner!
“A person who has the vision of God is not devoted to a cause or to any particular issue – he is devoted to God Him/Herself*. You always know when the vision is of God because of the inspiration that comes with it. Things come to you with greatness and add vitality to your life because everything is energized by God.” (*my add)
I love the energy! It’s much needed! Yet, what is it to be devoted to God? And what is” the vision”? My response to this text is somewhat different now to what it would have been years back when I first read the book, and I am going to digress!
It is unhelpful to “abstract” God… putting our Creator God into a concept we have, which is always a limited image/ idea. But it’s a necessary evil, for our very limited capacities render reductions very necessary! Our minds would be blown without them! Our “vision” (even our best one) is essentially impaired and vastly coloured by our life experiences; particularly by our parents or significant others, and how life has been for us. Love is the best word I can find to label the divine, but even as a contemplative Christian, I find “Love” can be vague, and maybe even impersonal. For me, this is why Christ, God incarnate, is so important. Because though God is, in one very definitive sense, expressed in bodily form, at the same time He/She is also retaining total mystery, and expansiveness. So maybe for me, “the vision” I embrace… Is in how I perceive the person of Christ to be… And this serves in some way as a corrective lens??? I’m thinking on this!
As well as Christ incarnate, there is also a wider dimension to Christ in the cosmos, sometimes referred to as the “Cosmic Christ”. Richard Rohr gave this presence a name. For him, the Cosmic Christ is the spirit that is embedded in—and makes up—everything in the universe, and Jesus is the embodied version of that spirit that we can fall in love with and relate to. For more reading on this go here:
The Cosmic Christ
I’m not a theologian…Far from it; I am pretty ignorant and the scope of the area is indeed vast and far beyond me. But Christ has, and is, key for me in the way I think about and express my love of divine love, compassion and life purpose. This is the meaningfulness which continues to bring grace into my heart.
I was reading recently about some baptism wording…It was something like “I join the side of Christ” and I think it was maybe a battle kind of analogy, in the sense of a person being on the “good” side rather than the other. However it struck me that for me, to be on the side of Christ speaks of different things.
For “the side”, for me, speaks more of Christ’s body, and the suffering, vulnerability, pain, etc that that was part of Christ’s life. It is part of my life. That my Creator might meet me in that, is worth everything to me. It transforms my experience of life. It means that God is both all powerful and all vulnerable. It means that my Creator is with me in ALL of my life experiences, if I want to allow my Creator to meet me in those experiences. It means a depth in faith, which comes through allowing my Creator to touch my life, deeply, to the core. And that no pain or suffering is not understood by my Creator. It is compassion manifest. It is involvement by the Creator of the world IN the world, without limit. Actually, and Potentially. Potentially is very important, of course. As is inspiration and vision. Our eyes need constant opening. Our minds too. Humility. Awe. All of those things.
“Vision of God” is something to constantly seek. To have eyes which are open. To have ears that listen well. There is much to be seen and found in many different faith traditions. We will tend towards one or the other, for a variety of reasons. What is a great loss, I think, is to close up ourselves to the insights, wisdoms, revelations and understandings which come to us in many ways just because it is not “our” religion or “our” faith tradition.
Love, and Godde* (as Love manifest), is going to seep though into our hearts and lives as much as we let it happen. Life is very complex, very deep, and often very confusing and conflicting. It it natural to seek for clarity and this is not a bad thing. However it can be unhelpful to make divisions where unity exists. Differences are fine. They are good. Different views and thoughts, ideas and beliefs are part of what makes life interesting and beautiful. Whatever our faith tradition, we have so many overlapping areas. If we want conversation, communion, love and understanding, then we will respect each other in our different perspectives and recognise that God is present in our lives in many marvellous and mysterious ways, which are far beyond our comprehension.
(*PS, had to slip this in; this term suggests the middle ground between “God” and “Goddess,” combining a feminine-type ending with the traditionally masculine-type word, yet transcending both by pointing beyond itself to a divine reality that we can grasp only by metaphor. I really like it! God is gender free but still, I find this productive for my own thinking! I think I might get in the habit of using it! )
Open Water Swimming Art
I’ve got lots of beautiful open water swimming themed art and design on my redbubble artist profile… Take a look! When you buy a product on redbubble with my design on a get an artists margin which helps support my creativity.
Nisargadatta Maharaj quote on wisdom and love image ©jenny meehan
Jenny Meehan Poem: Myrrh Bears
Myrrh Bears
“Tie yourself to the Tamarack Tree.”
The myrrh bears whisper.
Soft,
as black breezes echo,
disguising mysterious literacy.
Though
only yips and yelps now fire
rapid rustlings,
through spiny, knobbled, spurs.
The light toys, wistful, within the dark ended day.
I’m spotted
by a sable, shadowed, mover
at precisely the point he fixes on me;
his moon-like eyes, defying night.
He wears a shrouded mystery.
“Tie yourself to the Tamarack tree.”
Those echoes of vanillin sweetness;
aroma of a haunting, yet hunted, memory.
The resinous beast wears ebon furred skin,
transfers his weight, on branches of reddish-grey.
Held, in his spiny madness, he startles
the cavernous nest of trees.
I delve through bitter, scented places of ululating fear,
press my hands through fingered roots,
in mossy thoughts,
draw near;
within the ceaseless distant barks,
the cuts and bleeds cry
clearer.
I lick from gummy sap, a kiss
to which my flesh
adheres.
“Dark dynasties, despair, for I defeat you.
Take needled skies, heave heaven’s hopes within.”
The myrrh bears in their frenzied spirit, shake the trees
to hear the heartwood of a mortal being’s song.
Jenny Meehan 2009( Written for one of the rounds of the Literary Mary Competition).
Here are my current thoughts on this poem, written 14 years ago!!!! It is a strange poem, this one, but I like it. I think a simple reading of it would be its an invitation for myself to allow myself to move into areas of my mind and emotions that I have blocked myself away from, which is a fear inducing exploration, however there’s a strong sense of redemption and the divine present too. The tamarack tree is wooden… Maybe symbolism of the crucifixion/(a union with Christ?)
It’s my union within the sufferings of Christ which bring forward a kind of victorious point in the poem. There’s a search for redemption, yet some considerable ambiguity in the poem in many respects, which I like a lot. It’s a poem I wrote before starting psychotherapy, yet it points quite firmly in that direction I feel. There’s certainly a strong pull to the need to articulate myself and get to the core/ expression, ie “heartwood of a mortal being’s song” which I can relate to for myself, yet also relating to the triumph over death of the fully mortal and yet fully divine Christ.
Myrrh Bears Spoken Word Video
My Graduation
This is my graduation photograph taken in 1994. I studied at Kingston University as a mature student on a combined honours degree course (History and Literature), and with the final year focused on Literature alone, I achieved a BA Hons in Literature. I went to my graduation alone. My mother, who experienced chronic mental disorder (schizophrenia) over the majority of her adult life, (which impacted her capacity to be present in several respects) did not feel able to attend. My father died five years earlier.
And so I went to this ceremony without any family member. I didn’t feel able to ask a friend to come instead, as it seemed to be an event which was all about adult children and their families and relatives, rather than friends. In retrospect, it was a bit of a mistake to think this; a friend would have been fine and better, because going alone, and having no one there felt deeply embarrassing, humiliating and sad. But I really wanted to go, and at that time I thought it was the only way!
To go to one’s own graduation alone is not a good thing to do, at least not when it reminds you of other times when your parents were missing from your life.
But I know I’m not the only one.
And so this is this is shared for those of us who have lost, due to many reasons, the family support and encouragement that we wanted and needed, and whose families were not able to celebrate their successes for whatever reasons.
What I achieved is something that I can be proud of, and the fact I was alone when I stood there to receive it, in spite of being in a crowded hall, doesn’t make it any less worthwhile.I hope this is of some comfort for anyone reading this who can relate it to a part of their own life story.
It still makes me sad, because I know how deep it cut, and my happy smile was genuine, but doesn’t show the whole picture. I’d also add that, due to psychotherapy, my faith tradition, and the love of many wonderful people in my life, I now know what it is to be supported, and I have many people who can stand with me. I know how to seek the support I need when I need it. To be honest, this is probably more of an achievement for me than the degree I obtained, and for anyone struggling with their mental health right now, it might, I hope, be a helpful thing to read.
Jenny Meehan Redbubble Art Prints
I regularly upload selected artwork to my two Redbubble artist profiles. Here are some examples below. Take a look! You can buy my art printed on many different substrates and products. I like my work to be enjoyed and accessible, and using Redbubble achieves those objectives.
https://www.redbubble.com/people/jennyjimjams/shop#profile
Redbubble Artist Jenny Meehan AKA jennyjimjams
Redbubble provide worldwide delivery, and your purchase helps support my creative work in all areas, writing, painting, and explorative experimental artworking and research.
You can shop at a safe, well known online marketplace for beautiful abstract art and home decor, including homeware, fashion, stationery, masks,, wall art and many other great interior design accessories.
All very useful if you are restyling parts of your home, have moved into a new home or office and need to decorate it, or want to purchase an original, unique gift for someone for a special occasion.
https://www.redbubble.com/people/jennyjimjams/shop#profile
Putting selected work on redbubble is an example of how I make my work more accessible, as my “fine art” and original pieces are out of budget for many people.
Redbubble are a “print on demand” site which I upload selected artworks up onto, meaning the products and prints can be manufactured by Redbubble and orders fulfilled directly by them.
There are thousands of artists on there, so it can be tricky to locate my specific art prints unless you have a link or the full artwork title.
So if you want to order anything with my art and design on, and are having difficulty locating it on redbubble, please do contact me directly via my blog with a screenshot of what you have seen and want and I will locate it for you and send you the link.
Putting the full title in Google within speech marks also usually brings the specific artwork up, particularly if you add AND Jenny Meehan to it.
Postage costs at Redbubble basically get higher if you order many different types of products because they are shipped from different manufacturing points, some of which are in different countries. It might be worth considering this when you order, as some products will be cheaper to post than others depending on where they are being printed.
Building Bridges
I like to include past artwork as well as present in my art journal. Here is a piece I still have which went down well and looked very good in its context at the time, being shown in the Engine Rooms Gallery of Tower Bridge which I feel was perfect for it.
Jenny Meehan – About this work:
“This artwork expresses some of my female emotional experience: the emotion of two
parts of my sense of self being pulled together. A feeling of balance and unity, which holds, even when the two sides are different in some respects. The suspended purple and yellow contrasting colours create stasis and tension. Yet, there is also a mirroring of the same essential structure in my composition, drawn together in a pivotal centre, which may suggest movement.
This piece resonates in relation to the Tower Bridge; an engineering achievement involving among other things, precision, balance, and design. Creative energy, both within and without, in both engineering and art. ”
Exhibition Information:
Southwark Arts Forum, Tower Bridge “Art at the Bridge” #7 “Building Bridges, the Female Perspective” in celebration of International Womens’s Day,
“Drawn Together” by Jenny Meehan.
Drawn Together (Artist’s own signed print) was exhibited at the Tower Bridge Victorian Engine Rooms in 2016. © Jenny Meehan
The work is available as open edition unsigned prints on the “print on demand site” Redbubble
I like my work to be available to a wide range of people, with all budgets.
West Dean Estate by Jenny Meehan
Above is one of my paintings carried out at West Dean College. It’s of the view from the front of West Dean College. ©Jenny Meehan
Design and Artists Copyright Society
DACS info for those wanting to license images
Do you need a licence to use one of my images?
Yes!
I’m a member of the Design and Artists Copyright Society, (DACS) and my digital images are licensable via DACS.
Please contact me in the first instance with your enquiry. I’m flexible about fees, which are based on the industry standard, but negotiable. NOTE :All fees cited by the Design and Artists Copyright Society are proposed; not set in stone; and depending on circumstances, budgets, the nature of your project etc I can be flexible.
To get an idea of the industry standard fees for an image licence take a look at the Design and Artists Copyright Society Information page.
You can simply fill out an image licence request via the Design and Artists Copyright Society form here too if preferred:
https://www.dacs.org.uk/licensing-works
The Design and Artists Copyright Society is an informative website and a good introduction to the process of licensing an art image for anyone seeking an image to use who is not familiar with the process, what information is needed, etc.
I am also happy to help you personally though as well, and have an extremely large archive of digital art images so do feel free to contact me directly and give me an idea of your project, intended use, and requirements.
Remember..
DACS will automatically propose a licensing fee in line with the industry standard. However, please note, this is a negotiable fee. I am happy to be flexible about the initial fee proposed, and it’s not a problem if the initially proposed fee is outside your budget.
It works like this…
Administration of the licensing process is facilitated through the Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS), who liaise between us with respect to the exact fee agreed. Depending on circumstances and the nature of your project, I can usually offer fee reductions for a certain percentage of licensing arrangements.
If you decide you want to use their online form, then you need to attach the low resolution image of my artwork which you have found on the internet, they will know which image you seek permission for.
As I’ve said, you can also contact me informally, in the first instance if you wish to, of course. Any formal arrangements will need to be made through the Designer and Artists’ Copyright Society, but I can often offer the opportunity to alter images, for example, putting in different aspect ratios or colourways, so it’s really helpful to communicate with designers and clients first with respect to the actual image required.
So, feel free to contact me. I will also be able to let you know the maximum size the digital image is available at. If you then wish to licence the artwork image, you would then contact the Design and Artist Copyright Society to arrange the licencing agreement according to your requirements. Once paid and agreed, I then supply the high resolution image directly to you.
John Lewis Foundations – Motherhood of God – Life Drawing – Carter Heyward – Progressive Christianity – Richard Rohr – Cezanne
August 3, 2023
Painting, Painting Painting!
Well, it is July (ooops! Late again! It’s now August!) and this is the time of the year when I do a lot of painting/ collage! I don’t have anything finished to show you right now but here are some images of what I have been doing. I am fortunate to have a garden, which I love, and in that beautiful space many of my paintings start to come to a life of a sort!
Abstract Painting in progress by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams
Abstract Painting in progress by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams
Abstract Painting in progress by Jenny Meehan aka jennyjimjams
These are all in progress, yet nearing their final stage and suggesting feelings and ideas very faithfully to me. It’s a great stage to be at…
Rather than stick edges down so they are always close to the surface I leave some with spaces… This development came from my work with mosaics and is a good example how varying media can be very productive. I find the shadow areas interesting in mosaic and having got the interest I can’t forget it!
Life Drawing Class at Hillcroft College Surbiton
Here’s a few examples of work I’ve been doing in a super life drawing class taught by Stuart Simler. It’s been really good fun!
Life drawing Continous Line drawing by Jenny Meehan 4 minutes
I think this one merits a title as it asserted itself so naturally, so I reckon that “4CL Connection” is good as I have been thinking and reading a lot recently about having a stronger sense of connection, both within oneself and also with others.
Life Drawing with Two Mediums, seven minute pose. And what to call this one with its empty head? I think that “Mind in Body” may be right for this. I’ve been thinking about this aspect of Yoga and the way we can bring our awareness to our different parts, and as the pose looks quite reflective and rested, I think this title is apt.
These two below were short poses, can’t remember the time exactly but less than five minutes
Quick life drawing by Jenny Meehan
Quick life drawing by Jenny Meehan
I’m enjoying sharpening my eyes with observation, so I’ll be looking to continue life drawing in the Autumn. To have the human body as a motif in my work seems good for this time when I’m feeling so much more grounded and connected to my own. My long term focus on emotions… On locating them and expression of emotion gets even more interesting when linked and connected to the body so this seems a good direction to travel in.
John Lewis Partnership Foundations
Bit of a flip back in time now to an early work, “John Lewis Partnership Foundations 1987”. I like to look back now and again and this work was the first piece of art I sold! It was sold to John Lewis & Partners in 2007. I printed the digital image onto canvas which suited it well. It was a very encouraging moment to sell it and even more so in that it went to where I wanted it to go! Here’s my blurb on it, from that time:
A large inkjet print on block canvas was purchased by the company at the Kingston Contemporary Open Exhibition 2007.
John Lewis Partnership Foundations 1987 by Jenny Meehan Digital Art Print
“John Lewis Partnership Foundations 1987 by Jenny Meehan
Conceived, created, and printed May 2007
Digital print on canvas
This artwork was created from a photograph taken by me in 1987 as I walked over Kingston Bridge, and shows the foundations of the John Lewis building in Kingston- Upon-Thames. It celebrates the positive and inspiring vision of partnership which John Spedan Lewis brought into reality within his own work, in his own lifetime, and now beyond that. As I looked at the company website and read through some of his words and learnt about what he had done, I found a real pioneering spirit at work, and it inspired me to create this piece. The involvement of John Lewis with the arts in the borough is also very much something to celebrate, and for this reason I specifically created this piece for the Kingston Contemporary Open Exhibition in 2007. It was selected for the exhibition, and purchased by John Lewis Partnership for display in the Kingston Branch.
In the image you see two people at work – a distance apart, but still with common aim. In many organisations today, the individuals desire to work together, whatever their relative status, is what will eventually result in constructive changes and these of course do not only come from the top but happen at many levels; people with faith and vision will carry on working even if the end result is not in sight!
The image is quite deliberately printed onto canvas – photographs on canvas might be considered “not real art” but the reality is that for an increasingly large number of individuals and companies today this is the way they will experience the visual arts in their own setting and this is no bad thing – value and status are not the same thing!
If an image makes life just a tiny bit brighter, more interesting, and stimulates thought and emotion, creates space for memory or vision, then it is well worth the effort and is art in all its glory!
With all the new building going on in Kingston, I really liked the idea of bringing forward an image from the past and representing it in a modern way; digital photography has completely transformed photography as an art form…it has now so much more in common with painting. But, this change has not destroyed its history, which is why I have manipulated it in a way to accentuate bright “paint” like areas and yet at the same time accentuated the grain present in the original negative. The presence of the past form is still very much felt, and while it is easy to tend to resist new developments, it is possible, with careful consideration, to have a good balance which works as a whole”.
Wow, that was years ago… It was a super boost to my confidence at the time for sure!
Carter Heyward
Sometimes you find an author to read who is just a perfect fit for where you are at a particular time, and for me that author is Carter Heyward… Here’s another super quote from the introduction of her book Touching Our Strength:
“The search for liberation, profoundly personal and political, is an intrinsically relational adventure. We search together. It is our active solidarity with one another that generates our discovery of who we are together and hence of who each of us is by particular name and unique yearnings and special talents.
We are not photographs. The reality of our lives is three-dimensional: Whether we experience ourselves this way or not, we are inherently relational. This is the metaphysics of all that is created. From a philosophical perspective, this is our ontological (essential) state – our way of being, the way of being human, created, and creative. We are born in relation, we live in relation, we die in relation. There is, literally, no such human place as simply “inside myself.” Nor is any person, creed, ideology, “outside myself.”
I’m thinking about this quote in particular relation to a poem I wrote a while back… It seems to meet my poem in a fruitful place, for in my poem “God has helped” there is a process of change and liberation which still holds a strong sense of the need for a deeper awareness of relational reality… A sense that isolation of self needs expansion, through faith and an opening out which embraces a greater sense and experience of mutuality.
Here’s the link to my video poem “God Has Helped.” https://youtu.be/WIZ1MHpLSSQ
I continue to read Carter Heyward’s writings enthusiastically! Here’s some more to taste!
“I suspect nothing is more heartbreaking to God herself than the denial of our power to recognize, call forth, and celebrate right relation among ourselves.’ Locked within ourselves, holding secrets and denial, we embody not merely the fear of our relational pos- sibilities; we also embody the rejection of the sacred ground of our being, which is none other than our power to connect.”
Carter Heyward in Chapter 1 of Touching Our Strength – The Erotic as Power and the Love of God”
Her writing really melds very well with previous thinking and reading I’ve made of Martin Buber, so I’m over the moon with this book, to be sure, it’s reallly such a breath of fresh air!
Progressive Christianity
I tend to call myself a Progressive and Liberal Christian as I think it describes me better than any other label, though labels are never quite right, as even within them there are so many variations! I enjoy the life focus that being a Christian gives me, and see this is most essentially a matter of following the way of Christ, which is basically the way of Love. My faith and beliefs have grown and changed over the years… I am in a very different place to that I was in when I first committed myself to Christ aged 18! I don’t hold onto ideas and dogma in the way that I used to, and being “right” really doesn’t come into my faith anymore. I am more concerned with the mystery and mysteries of God, and embracing the love and spirit of God with the understanding that I only see a speck of an image far beyond my rational mind! So I am certainly more of a contemplative and mystic than I used to be! It is the amazing work of the Holy Spirit to reveal what is good and true in life, and to set anyone, (and I mean, anyone, regardless of the faith they profess or don’t profess), into the liberty of being able to be fully who they are created to be.
I am probably still quite traditional in many ways too, and though I set out to have a questioning faith and open attitude, I am always challenged by how stuck in my old ways I can be! I find the process of reading and researching very helpful in all areas of my life though, and one of my favourite writers is Richard Rohr.
Reading the various writings and thinking over the content of the above website has been so very helpful to me. I think I have needed to do a fair amount of what is often called “deconstructing” my religious beliefs. Thankfully I seem to have managed to evolve in a manner which means I still retain my essential element of being centred in on following Christ, which is a great help to me in my life and helps provide a framework for much of my thinking. At the same time I also firmly believe in openness and in expanding my thinking and also embracing ideas which I haven’t come across before. It is often more helpful in life to retain an attitude of openness towards what we don’t know rather than what we do, and also to remember that the Spirit of God really does work in mysterious ways. I have gained a huge amount in being open to the wisdom and ways of other faiths and religious traditions and what I learn from them feeds into my own path in a very enriching way.
Flower Images from West Dean Gardens
Here’s a little string of flowers…In black and white. Usually we enjoy flowers in colour but taking the colour away I can appreciate the tonal variations and structure without the immediate attraction of colour. Light itself is a subject matter in its own right…the objects it bounces off do a great job of making it interesting!
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
The Motherhood of God
I need a sense of the Motherhood of God at this time of my life far more than I have previously felt before. I think I have always needed it, but just accepted the metaphor of God as mainly male without recognising that by letting the male metaphor dominate my thinking, I was surpressing something I really need as a woman. Something of affirmation for who I am and how I am which is transformational.
Its not totally new to me. Way back in 2007 I had an opening of mind and thought on many aspects of how I conceived God to be. This process is part of the Christian way I believe, if it’s healthy. A readiness to have changes of heart and mind. Readiness to let go of structures of many kinds which don’t serve the purposes of the liberating Holy Spirit of God.
At that time, I realised God could very reasonably be conceived of as being gay. What I mean by this is that God’s love wasn’t just expressed in deep heterosexual emotional, spiritual and physical connections, but in all types of relations to others in Love. It felt radical and even a bit shocking to me at that time, though now not surprising at all. There’s a whole story behind it, which was a complete blessing to me, but I want to stay on track with exploring my Motherhood/Sisterhood/Feminine Divine focus.
First though…
Why is God so Male? (and is he he?)
Even the Trinity is traditionally framed as male. However, I do recall some commentary I read in the past on the Holy Spirit being “she” and therefore ascribing a feminine metaphorical nature on that person of the Trinity. Still, even so, the “Father” aspect seems the dominant metaphor. Intentional or not, the Father person of the Trinity seems to come across as being the one with the most authority and therefore importance, even if it’s not technically meant to be that way.
PS.. Basically… The “trinity” model of God is just that.. Its a model and the virtue of it to my mind is that it’s all about relationship. That God is relational and so undefined in a singular sense, but that the dynamic of Love is the life breath of “one” who is, yet is also not limited, to being one.. This is what I find helpful about the concept of Trinity and why I still use it in my own thinking. (There are loads of ideas about how we can think about God using this model. Ultimately God is beyond concepts.)
Back to the idea of a male God…
The maleness which dominates our conceptions of God may be a positive for many people, but for me, (and others) the majority of male impact on my life has been so destructive for so many years that a feminine metaphorical model of Trinity is more healing. It is also more effective in bringing a felt sense of the Love of God into my life. God is experienced more fully and deeply as feminine. There is more intimacy and connection. This is healing in the fullest sense. It doesn’t mean one has to reject the male conceptions… It does redress an imbalance though… Our world really needs a greater awareness of the feminine divine, I believe.
Few other thoughts…
I’m not a Catholic, so forgive me the simplicity on what follows; I’m sure there’s a lot more to it than I’m aware of…!
In the Catholic tradition, Mary in her many expressions, including the “mother of God” particularly, brings the feminine to new prominence, but with some less helpful aspects too… female authority needs realisation in practical forms, expressed in earthly and bodily ways, ie, female priests etc. It is sad, but true, that formal religious structures of many types are indeed, repressive.
“If we are to live with our feet on the ground, in touch with reality, we must help one another accept the fact that we who are Christian are heirs to a body-despising, woman-fearing, sexually repressive religious tradition. If we are continue as members of the Church we must challenge and transform it at the root. ” Carter Heyward
Within the Protestant tradition, which I am more familiar with, (evangelical and charismatic churches in the 80’s) some folk I came across viewed the Catholic conceptions of Mary as even being somewhat evil, and though in some respects and situations women were given more freedom to minister in certain ways, the bottom line was that males were superior in authority. I think nowadays that maybe the horror directed towards Mary was a rejection of the femine divine big time, and actually rooted in sexist misogynistic ideas! This is the general impression I am left with now, at least. There was also a big dislike of accepting the mysterious and unknowable nature of God. Things had to be very black and white.
I was brought up in the Baptist Church and the one I first worshipped in as a child was led by a woman, the Reverend Sister Edna Black. I’m still tremendously grateful to her as she was a truly wonderful example who I realise still inspires me in my identity both as a woman and a Christian. She was a strong and independent woman of faith who knew Christ and expressed the divine feminine in many ways. I have a lot to thank her for… She was a true source of strength for me in my childhood.
St. Thérèse of Lisieux wrote of God’s tender, motherly love. searched for the Lord, “wanting to know, O my God, what You would do to the very little one who answered Your call, I continued my search and this is what I discovered: ‘As one whom a mother caresses, so will I comfort you; you shall be carried at the breasts, and upon the knees they shall caress you.’ Ah! never did words more tender and more melodious come to give joy to my soul.”
For those of you reading this blog mainly due to your interest in my visual artworking, my philosophical and theological reflections are an intrinsic part of my artworking. I find the relationships between my thoughts, feelings and spirituality very much inform any creative output and keeping track of developments and changes in my perspectives is a very useful tool for discerning future directions in artworking. These meandering streams flow into the same river which shapes so many aspects of what it is about life I love so much.
I am very grateful for my mind. I am very grateful for the mysterious and all surpassing work of the Holy Spirit in my life. I am very grateful for a deeper sense of connection with God I’ve developed over the many years of seeking to have an open heart to being changed and transformed in many respects.
Beautiful Sunshine
I’m very focused on making the most of any good paint drying weather we get. The image above shows some of the collage elements I’ve been playing with today. It’s a small but valuable part of my painting process as if this part is done in a mindful and prayerful way, I get many interesting ideas about themes I may like to explore in future paintings. With nothing to think about but the paint and how it and I am responding, you wouldn’t believe the variety of possibilities which open up materially either… It is the most orgasmic thing ever!
I had a little play with words too, as I needed to retreat into the shade of the house after a few hours…
In this studio without walls
I play in relations
It’s instinct
Singing with the birds
Breathing
in the air
I like it
Now I’m too hot
So into the house
May be a better place
To be me for a while
I won’t bother with punctuation
In this poem
The birds do that better
They don’t confine space
They don’t need the security
Of closing anything in
Maybe I don’t need it either?
Jenny Meehan 22nd June 2023
Last but not least… A random selection of my visual art:
Ten Thousand Years by Jenny Meehan
The Space Between Us painting by Jenny Meehan
abstract digital print by jenny meehan
leap of faith abstract art print by jenny meehan
rush hour digital print by jenny meehan
Ok
That’s Enough digital art print by jenny meehan
No problem/moving on art print by jenny meehan
Cezanne Painting
This is dated c 1867 – 70 and it’s pencil, watercolour and gouache on paper. The title “Woman Diving Into Water” was given to it by Félix Fénéon. I’ve picked it to share today as its a lesser known painting by Cezanne, and I particularly like his approach and use of the selected mediums. It’s not large, at just under 13cm square. It’s a reminder to me that things really don’t need to be big on size to he important and significant. As I’m swimming a lot in the sea, lakes and rivers the subject matter is particularly appealing too!
Woman Diving into Water by Paul Cezanne
It’s “Byee” from me til next time.
Here’s a continous line drawing of mine to finish this Journal entry off.
A Carousel of Posts From Jennymeehan.wordpress.com below!
May 2023 Art Journal Post by Jenny Meehan
Kingston Artists’ Open Studios
Kingston Artists’ Open Studios is my focus for this month. It’s going to be good… Come along and meet some of the wonderfully creative people living and working in the Royal Borough of Kingston Upon Thames! It’s free and there are plenty of venues to visit. There is a huge variety of different kinds of art work available. For more information take a look at the Kingston Artists’ Open Studios website:
Text from the website:
“KAOS is a group of professional, semi-professional and experienced artists living and working in the Kingston area.
Our unfunded, voluntary group was set up in 2010 to raise the profile of and broaden access to the visual arts in Kingston. Since then we have built up a diverse membership of artists and makers working out of their own spaces in and around the borough.
Each year we open our studios to the public during two weekends in the summer for the annual Kingston Artists Open Studios.
For more information see our Open Studios page. Please note Open Studios 2023 will take place on 13th-14th and 20th-21st May.”
You can view some of the Kingston Artists’ Open Studios Catalogues here;
https://www.kingstonartistsopenstudios.co.uk/past-catalogues/
And THIS YEARS HERE:
While there are plenty of new artists this year many of us have been taking part in the Kingston Artists’ Open Studios event for a while and looking at past catalogues is quite a handy way of getting a feel for how expansive and interesting a bunch of artists we are! The 2023 catalogue doesn’t have my name in the inside cover… Printing error, but I am inside under the venue listing’s… I’m at venue 16, which is 14 Liverpool Road Kingston!
Here’s a short video I made of the work I’ve put up this year:
Ash Wednesday Reflections
I wrote the following blog entry in February, but didn’t have a place for it in my March journal post because I had already written a chunk on text on spirituality and I like to keep a good mix of topics in each blog post ideally. Plus the March journal post already took about 25 minutes reading time which is much longer than I tend to aim for usually! I just have a habit of adding more and more on when the mood for writing comes. So here are some Ash Wednesday reflections! Even though it’s a few months back!
It’s Ash Wednesday today. And though I have been weeping today it’s a sadness enfolded with love as I recognise that those points and places within my life where I lost connection with my Creator, parts of self, and others, though terrible in their own way, did not mean that I was abandoned by the loving presence and reality of Divine Love.
I despised myself, felt I was essentially bad, and believed that I was unacceptable to God. This was far, far, from the truth.
I’ve made many damaging and destructive mistakes and held onto some horrible, distorted ideas which caused damage to myself and others. I do grieve those. Many of those things I learnt from others, yet I took them and believed them to be true. I am sorry for the ways I have erred. It’s right I should be. They served no one well.
There’s a lot about “repentance” spoken about today, but let’s consider this…
The word “Metanoia” in Greek means “a change of mind,”. This “change of mind” indicates an opening of the understanding that leads to transformation. It’s a positive movement… A kind of revolution which isn’t just about looking backwards and feeling sad and sorrowful but also looking forwards.
“Metanoia” was Jesus’ first message upon beginning his ministry (Mark 1:15, Matthew 4:17), but is unfortunately translated with the somewhat moralistic sounding word “repent”
Here’s a quote from https://cac.org/daily-meditations/spirituality-of-change-2017-05-29/
The meditation can be viewed on its entirety via the link above. The meditation itself was adapted from Richard Rohr, The Art of Letting Go: Living the Wisdom of Saint Francis (Sounds True: 2010)
Quoted extract:
“Metanoia, Jesus’ first message upon beginning his ministry (Mark 1:15, Matthew 4:17), is unfortunately translated with the moralistic word repent. Metanoia literally means change or even more precisely “Change your mind!” So it is strange that the religion founded in Jesus’ name has been resistant to change and has tended to love and protect the past and the status quo much more than the positive and hopeful futures that could be brought about by people open to change. Maybe that is why our earth is so depleted and our politics are so pathetic. We have not taught a spirituality of actual change or growth, which is what an alternative orthodoxy always asks of us.
Cynthia Bourgeault describes this process of transformation:
“[It is] the full emergence of the glory of the mind of Christ. The alternative orthodoxy begins in a view that God is not opposed to us; God is for us. How is God served by people who fail to germinate? God is rapturously delighted in every human being whose heart breaks open and blooms. Then, as human beings come to their glory, the world comes to its glory. It’s a view which is inclusive, recognizing that human beings on all paths are called to glorification, to the full emergence of the human being. It’s evolutionary in that we are a work in progress, both individually and collectively. Creation itself is not static but dynamic.”
The above quote is from Cynthia Bourgeault, Returning to Essentials: Teaching an Alternative Orthodoxy, disc 1 (Center for Action and Contemplation: 2015),
So…
This is pretty good too…
“Conversion is a permanent process in which very often the obstacles we meet
make us lose all we had gained and start anew.”
– Theologian Gustavo Gutierrez
Being willing to open up and trust our Creator in the middle of either great external or internal change is always a challenge but I do believe it’s worth it because we can both heal and grow.
We need courage. I need courage. And a forever opening heart. Courage is my word for this year, as I seek deeper connection with myself, others, and to embrace the divine Holy Spirit, who is manifest so beautifully and mysteriously in daily life.
Visiting Art Exhibitions
It’s certainly an advantage living on the outskirts of London. Due to the pandemic, my exhibition visiting went down to zero but now things are back to normal it is certainly really lovely to be able to visit some galleries, museums and concerts and I am going to make more effort this year to get out and about, especially as I can currently still walk for good distances. I say this with a hint of caution, because my non operated knee has started giving way which is really annoying. I need to keep exercising, to both loose a bit of weight and also strengthen my left knee. Hopefully that will be enough.
While I am fine with having another knee replacement, I am 58 now, and it would be better to just have one which lasts until I die, especially as the right one (2017) may need to be redone at some point. I don’t know for sure, but I really like being able to walk and I really didn’t like being unable to walk without a stick before my last knee replacement. Pain and immobility are not fun. You can get through anything but I have bad memories of the time before my knee replacement and I don’t want to go there again if I can help it.
The only reason I don’t go to more exhibitions is time management, and the fact it’s possible to do a lot of research online. Yes, there’s nothing like standing in front of a piece of art; particularly sculpture; which I often find I enjoy looking at more than paintings. But it is also very handy to find art which is interesting on the internet, and I find a lot of reading, books, and research papers on the internet too. It really is fantastic.
However, as someone very easily stimulated by what’s around me (sometimes a little too much!) I have to be very careful of “exhibition overload”. I also like to give things time… there’s no substitute for time… to really meditate and contemplate on an artefact of any kind. Contemplation takes a lot of time. (I’m the same with spirituality as I am with art!) Little is always more. When I want to overload, I will skim the internet and barrage my brain with images of all kinds and it’s true that interesting relationships can come from doing this activity. So quickly scrolling and jumping from one thing to another has its own place. But periods of stimulation also need periods of rest and inactivity if we are to delve deeply into life I think. Balance is a good and admirable aspiration!
To sit and give one piece of art 15 minutes or so is not something that we do so easily. Less is definitely more when it comes to looking at art. It is hard to give anything a full ten minutes of attention sometimes when looking around an art gallery, particularly if it is quite busy and there is lots to see. I normally go around, pick a few examples I want to look more deeply at, and then return to them for a longer look.
As well as the delight of actually being in a physical art gallery and viewing a real physical art exhibition, there is also a pleasure to be had in looking back at photographs you’ve taken and remembering the thoughts and feelings that that piece of art evoked at the time. Memories are very underrated. We can get a lot of pleasure from them. Again, maybe it’s about slowing down and about not moving so fast? To welcome the new and the new pleasures of every day is great. But to remember the old ones is also great too. Maybe I’m just getting old but there’s a certain richness to be found in remembrance of many things.
This is part of the reason I write this blog. I sometimes look back on a year in the past and it normally proves to be a very interesting and thought provoking experience as I reflect on how I was and where I was at then, and put that next to where I am now. Or at least where I think I am now! To be honest, I am never quite sure!
Recent Mosaic
I’m moving into my painting time of year but I still have been tinkering with mosaics I started at the beginning of the year. Here is one. It’s called “Solidarity”
I will put them away I think now but plan to start again in the Autumn when painting is not so easy in a cramped house with limited space. Making mosaics doesn’t take up so much room as I am making them not much bigger than A4 in size
Title of this mosaic is “Solidarity, Sister”
Painting Examples
More Christian Spirituality Thoughts
As woman, and a woman who needs very much to embrace, and to be ministered to, through a deeper, female, divine realisation of Creator God, I was very blessed in the St David’s Day Eucharist I joined on the 1st of March this year.
It is very important to me that my faith experience and spirituality are not restricted or limited by the male God persona we are presented with through the patriarchal writings of the Bible. That men wrote its writings is just the way it is, but for me, my conceptions of divine love need not to be limited by heterosexual images and expressions.
A male perspective is great, but it is just one. And it’s out of balance in the Bible. There is some female imagery and other expressions, but not very much. Many women relate more intimately to a female voice, persona, imagery, mythology, and experiences etc… All these many things which women commonly share.
I find myself often looking at other spiritual literary works which encompass the feminine divine a little more generously . They add a lot to my life, and strengthen my appreciation of God as female. Yes, we know God isn’t male or female, yet as mere humans we do need patterns of identity to make certain relationships and connections. In order to grasp certain elements and feel affirmed in our sex and sexuality, male images and female images can have a big impact on how we feel about ourselves and how we process and interpret experience and life in general.
For a sense of identity and a full sense of acceptance, power and grace, and also to help me navigate my way through life, knowing God as mother and female matters immensely.
So…
In the Bible, the persona of wisdom is female. Creator God expressed in the form of wisdom is a real help to me! There are various passages, but this has been great to reflect on!
(I have changed the object from male to female as this is how I used it in my own reflections)
“1Whoever fears the Lord will do this,
and whoever holds to the law will obtain wisdom.
2She will come to meet her like a mother,
and like a young bride she will welcome her.
3She will feed her with the bread of learning,
and give her the water of wisdom to drink.
4 she will lean on her and not fall,
and she will rely on her and not be put to shame.
5She will exalt her above her neighbours,
and will open her mouth in the midst of the assembly.
6 she will find gladness and a crown of rejoicing,
and will inherit an everlasting name.”
The text above is (slightly adapted as I have changed the sex of the object) from Sirach 15 1-6 (Ecclesiasticus 15 1-6)
Blog
On the theme of women and spirituality, it was way back in 2013 that I wrote my poem “St Julian” which I partnered with my painting “The Comforter”. You can listen to me reading this poem on YouTube here:
Here’s one translation of a small section of some of St Julian of Norwich writings:
“The mother can give her child to suck of her milk, but our precious Mother Jesus can feed us with himself, and does, most courteously and most tenderly, with the blessed sacrament, which is the precious food of true life … The mother can lay her child tenderly to her breast, but our tender Mother Jesus can lead us easily into his blessed breast through his sweet open side, and show us there a part of the godhead and of the joys of heaven, with inner certainty of endless bliss … This fair lovely word ‘mother’ is so sweet and so kind in itself that it cannot truly be said of anyone or to anyone except of him and to him who is the true Mother of life and of all things. To the property of motherhood belong nature, love, wisdom, and knowledge, and this is God.”
Julian of Norwich was a medieval English mystic who celebrated “Mother Jesus.” Her feast day, May 8, always falls near Mother’s Day.
Kittredge Cherry, who publishes the website ” Qspirit” writes:
“It’s not known if Julian herself was queer, but some of her ideas were. Julian is often listed with LGBTQ saints because of her genderbending visions of Jesus and God. She wrote, “As truly as God is our Father, so truly is God our Mother.”
Her discussions of Jesus as a mother sound radical even now, more than 600 years later. Her omnigendered vision of the Trinity fits with contemporary feminist and queer theology.”
When I first discovered St Julian of Norwich in 2012 and learnt more about her and her writings it had a great impact on my relationship with both myself and God. I had several years earlier shifted my mindset from a male, patriarchal straight conception of what God was like, but appreciating my own need for connection with the feminine divine was a gradual process and I identified with much of St Julian’s writing and aspects of her life.
In a recent short video I created this year, I realised that part of my St Julian Poem resonated with this recent work. My recent short film which touched on the theme of emotional connection and intimacy with self and others is called “A Shadow Play”. I’d attended a counselling course through which I learnt more about the “shadow self” and this partly inspired the work. The spoken word poem in the video is a recent one, inspired by attending music concerts by students at Morley College. The process of “coming into” myself more deeply generally is also a key influence on this short film.
Watch it here: https://youtu.be/uExUXt7mp44
Section of my 2013 Poem” St Julian” which links up with this short film
” I need a way forward
The indistinct marks of the walls enclose me
I push through, unknowing
into the Spirit
who first bore me.
It is not the now, the then, the will be
I see all three
in one small speck
which running down
splatters, splinters
the hardness
of all dimensions
of our being.”
St Julian Poem was written in 2013/In 2018 the section above was also used as a stand alone segment for poetry submissions.
Qspirit, which I mentioned above, is a super project and resource on the net og which I have been enjoying immensely. Here’s a bit about it. The text quoted is from the website.
“About Q Spirit
Q Spirit promotes LGBTQ spirituality with saints, history, art and books. The website fosters religious and artistic freedom by teaching love for all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. It expands the meaning of holiness for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) people of faith and allies.
The Q Spirit project comes from lesbian Christian author Kittredge Cherry. She founded Jesusinlove.org in 2005 and launched Q Spirit in 2016. She is passionately committed to Q Spirit because it grew out of her own personal journey as an author, minister and historian.
The Q in Q Spirit can stand for queer, questioning one’s own sexuality or questioning spiritual and religious traditions with quality content. The website questions standard Bible interpretation and conventional history. It also aims to find lost information and lay the foundation for future interpretations, sort of like the Q Source for the gospels. “I bring a spirit of questioning authority and checking facts to my work,” Cherry said. “Q Spirit is a quest for spirituality beyond all boundaries.”
So Byee for now, with these words…
“As truly as God is our Father, so truly is God our Mother.”
Do you need exciting, engaging, images for a book cover design?
My artwork is particularly suitable for themes of: faith, religion, philosophy, Christian, church, all faith traditions, inter-faith, spirituality, the subconscious, psychoanalytic themes, mindfulness, contemplative practices, healing, health, both physical and mental, trauma recovery, metaphysical and psychological focused writings, the devotional life, and many other subjects.
Indeed, pretty much any subject matter or theme which benefits from a more abstract graphic image; one which also conveys basic feelings and ideas in an open and experimental manner; would benefit from it’s clarity of communication being enhanced by one of my art images.
From the lyrical abstraction of some of abstract expressionist style textured paintings, to the geometric abstraction clear edged imagery, which I also produce, the value of non representational imagery in book cover design which is both colourful and interesting, and stimulates the eye with colour and striking composition, cannot be under estimated.
If you are looking for something particular, do contact me, because I only display a small amount on the internet and may even be able to create something specific to your needs, or be able to locate something from my extensive archives which meets your need.
Twitter: jennymeehan@jennymeehanart
https://linkedin.com/in/jennymeehanart
Follow Jenny Meehan! British Contemporary Artist’s Online Art Journal. Artist’s Blog/Art Journal. Posts published every two months.
TO FOLLOW THIS ARTIST’S BLOG SIMPLY GO TO THE RIGHT HAND COLUMN, LOCATE THE “FOLLOW” BOX AND POP IN YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS. You can select your preferred frequency of updates.
Who is Jenny Meehan? (Well… I’m still trying to work that one out…)
Jenny Meehan (Jennifer Meehan) is a painter-poet, artist-author and progressive and contemplative (Christian faith tradition) based in East Surrey/South West London. Her interest in Christ-centred spirituality and creativity are the main focus of this artist’s journal, which rambles and meanders on, maybe acting as a personal (yet open to view) note book as much as anything else. Trauma recovery, mental health awareness, and psychotherapy/psychoanalysis are all very interesting. And yes; it’s me writing this. Feels odd… But it’s fun.
If you would like to give money to help support my creative practice I can accept it quickly and easily through the Paypal.me process. Simply put the following in your browser:
paypal.me/jennymeehan
and follow the prompts. Please consider supporting my work in this way if it strikes a chord with you and you are able to do so. Unfortunately there isn’t a system in this facility for me to send a thank you. But if you do use it, then understand that I am grateful.
Another way you could support my participation in the visual arts could be by praying for me, if that’s part of your daily life. I’m a progressive Christian in faith focus, but prayers from any religious tradition are ALL VERY WELCOME! Creativity is a gift from God, and if you believe in a LOVING Creator, and you feel my creativity reflects and connects with your sense of the divine presence expressed in the world, then throw in some prayers for me. I need strength and encouragement in many ways.
General Info on Redbubble.com
Help with buying prints, soft furnishings, home decor and other merchandise for the home from redbubble.com
Redbubble are a “print on demand” site which I upload selected artworks up onto, meaning the products and prints can be manufactured by Redbubble and orders fulfilled directly by them.
There are thousands of artists on there, so it can be tricky to locate my specific art prints unless you have a link or the full artwork title.
So if you want to order anything with my art and design on, and are having difficulty locating it on redbubble, please do contact me directly via my blog with a screenshot of what you have seen and want and I will locate it for you and send you the link. Or alternatively send me a bubblemail if you already have a Redbubble account.
Putting the full title in Google within speech marks also usually brings the specific artwork up, particularly if you add AND Jenny Meehan to it.
Contact Jenny Meehan AKA jennyjimjams here: https://jennymeehan.wordpress.com/jenny-meehan-jennifer-meehan-how-to-contact-me/
https://www.redbubble.com/people/jennyjimjams/explore
Buy Original Fine Paintings by Jenny Meehan
If you require original fine paintings in the lyrical abstract style, then contact me!
Why read “Jenny Meehan – Contemporary Artist’s Journal: The Artist’s Meandering Discourses – poetry – painting – spirituality (mostly!)?
This artist’s blog is probably of most interest to artists, art collectors, art lovers and basically anyone who is interested in fine art, poetry, creativity, spirituality and psychology (and their related areas). Art curators and art collectors interested in British 21st century female contemporary artists, women and art, religious art, spirituality and art, and psychoanalysis and art, I imagine will probably enjoy dipping into this Jenny Meehan Contemporary Artist’s Journal. Skimming is vital… It is a “Meandering Discourse” after all, written for my benefit as well as hopefully other peoples!
Art collectors are often interested in the processes, techniques, interests and influences of the artists whose work they collect, and sharing my thoughts and perspectives through a blog is an important dimension of my creative practice.
I describe my painting as being romantic, expressionistic, abstract and lyrical. Art collectors interested in lyrical abstraction, abstract expressionist, and essentially romantic art, are likely to find my paintings an interesting and exciting addition to their art collection.
Bit of blurb from past website:
“Jenny Meehan is an established artist who has been exhibiting for over ten years, mostly in the UK. Notable exhibitions include, most recently being selected for the Imagined Worlds touring exhibition of artworks inspired by the poem ‘Kubla Khan’ and inclusion in “Building Bridges, the Female Perspective” at Tower Bridge Victorian Engine Rooms in 2016. Jenny has been a keen supporter of various charity art exhibitions over the years including the National Brain Appeals ” A Letter in Mind” at Gallery@oxo, South Bank, London and the “Anatomy for Life” Exhibition for Brighton Sussex University Hospitals Trust in 2015
Selected by a wide range of judges in open submission exhibitions, her work appeals to the aesthetic and emotional discernment of many, and has been displayed in many prestigious galleries. These include the Dulwich Picture Gallery, London, in 2015, as part of their Open Exhibition, and the Pallant House Gallery, Chichester, West Sussex, as part of the Pallant House Gallery/St Wilfrid’s Hospice Open Art Exhibition in 2010.
Jenny Meehan’s work has been included in several academic projects and and publications including “Speaking Out – Women Recovering from the Trauma of Violence” by Nicole Fayard in 2014 and the ongoing “Recovery” Exhibition project – Institute Of Mental Health/City Arts, Nottingham University, also in 2014. While her romantic, lyrical, expressionistic, abstract paintings offer a contemplative space free from cares and concerns, other strands of her practice engage with subjects ranging from violence, trauma recovery, psychoanalysis, and mental health.”
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COPYRIGHT INFORMATION FOR OTHER IMAGES
Permission is always sought before use. When I include images, I do so in the belief that this will not cause commercial harm to the copyright holder. I believe that this is fair use and does not infringe copyright. Images are used in order for me to comment and reference them in relation to my own creative and artistic practice. When I include extracts of text, I also do so with the understanding that again, this is permissible under the widely accepted fair usage terms with respect to copyright.
Outline of my “Fair Use” rationale, which is applicable to all images from other sources which I include on this blog:
There is no alternative, public domain or free-copyrighted replacement image available to my knowledge.
Its inclusion in my blog adds significantly to my narrative because it shows the subject which I want to refer to and relate to my own artistic practice and is necessary in order for me to communicate accurately my observations/critical appraisal/appreciation/educate my readers, in understanding my perspectives on art and life. Inclusion is for information, education and analysis only. The text discussing the significance of the included art work is enhanced by inclusion of the image. The image is a low resolution copy of the original work of such low quality that it will not affect potential sales of the art work
| My own images can be licensed for use easily and quickly. DACS have price lists on their website for different types of use, which should be used only a guide for a proposed fee. It’s a starting point. I can normally be flexible. |
Original Fine Paintings and Digital Prints by Jenny Meehan
My original artwork has two main strands: Lyrical Abstraction, painterly, fluid, with a lot of focus on light, how it bounces off the surface, textures and finishes, and Geometric Abstraction (created through digital imaging software) in which I focus on flat areas of smooth, solid, and translucent colour; ideally intended to be printed on even, matt or semi-mat surfaces.
While I’m experimenting with the overlap between the two, and make it my practice to regularly try out new mediums, in order to keep my artwork fresh and steadily evolving, identifying the strands in this way is helpful for clarity. I use writing and poetry in my art working and now prefer to use sol-silica paint over acrylics or oils, though I am still known to dabble in many different types of paint, due to their particular material and visual qualities!
If you would like to give money to help support my creative practice, I can accept it quickly and easily through the Paypal.me process. Simply put the following in your browser:
paypal.me/jennymeehan
and follow the prompts. Please consider supporting my work in this way if it strikes a chord with you and you are able to do so. I do need support in order to continue my art working.
My artwork is particularly suitable for themes of: faith, religion, philosophy, Christian, church, all faith traditions, inter-faith, spirituality, the subconscious, psychoanalytic themes, mindfulness, contemplative practices, healing, health, both physical and mental, trauma recovery, metaphysical and psychological focused writings, the devotional life, and many other subjects.
Alongside my mainly lyrical abstract paintings, there is another important strand in my work which includes more of a narrative. Well, some kind of narrative. Through my writing, and my participation in ongoing psychotherapy, I draw on my subconscious. It’s this process of self reflection, examination, and other contemplative practices which are rooted in my own faith tradition as a Christian, alongside a good dose of yoga and West African drumming, which have created an exciting way ahead for my work with visual art. I think it’s the relationship between my writing and visual work, particularly through poetry, which helps determine the direction in my art practice.
I’m a member of Kingston Artists’ Open Studios: http://www.kingstonartistsopenstudios.co.uk/product-category/artists-m-to-z/
Ivon Hitchens
Winter time is the best time ever for looking at books for me, and one of my favourites is my book on Ivon Hitchens. The work of Ivon Hitchens was introduced to me way back in 2010 by John T Freeman on a course at West Dean College. It made a big impression on me, mainly because it put the idea of poetry and painting together in my mind. I prefer his earlier paintings, and I especially like the Terwick Mill paintings, one of which I show you below.
Terwick Mill no. 14, Waterfall 1945 oil on canvas, (40.5 x 74 cm)
The period around Christmas is when I tend to do a lot of reading and get rather over excited about ordering books to read! Thankfully there are a lot of free books available via the local library and various apps! Audio books are even better, as boring things like cleaning and sorting out can be carried out at the same time! I’m dipping into “Fat is a Feminist Issue” by Susie Orbach at the moment. It’s interesting for me to increase awareness of how I tend to stuff down my emotions if I get the chance. She has lots of very interesting things to say about women and our relationship with food.
One little morsel to cherish ” The roots of compulsive eating in women stem from women’s position in society – she feeds everyone else, but her needs are personally illegitimate. Food, therefore, can become a way to try to give to herself. “
Quoted from “Fat is a Feminist Issue” by Susie Orbach
If I eat books, I think I will be Okay!
I have been true to habit of flitting from book to book, but it seems to work for me. I blame scrolling on the internet. I have got so used to it I tend to do it with all the kinds of reading I do. That’s one really big advantage of listening to audio books. I keep on track for longer!
Psyche, Body, Spirit…Unbound
Here is my recent mosaic…
Psyche, Body, Spirit…Unbound Mosaic by Jenny Meehan
I still need to remove a few bits of grout but I’m posting up here while fresh in my mind.
Mosaic is not my main medium, for I am more of a painter-poet, but I need to paint in my garden mostly, as I don’t have a dedicated studio space. I do have a studio tent I constructed and that is good for many things, but it is still rather too cold and wet right now. In the Summer I can paint in the garden so space is not a problem then.
It’s kind of odd, this mosaic, in a quite interesting way. I like it when I make things which confuse me initially. Maybe that is the source of the peculiar expression! An online dictionary tells me that:
“A frown (also known as a scowl) is a facial expression in which the eyebrows are brought together, and the forehead is wrinkled, usually indicating displeasure, sadness or worry, or less often confusion or concentration.”
I was keen to create something with a surreal feel and also which contained a human face. A human face made of blocks of stone was bound to be interesting, I suppose. I like to ask friends how my work speaks to them because I always learn a lot from doing so. One friend very insightfully picked up on the sense of a journey, the presence of water, and that the face was an onlooker to the scene. Also that one leg was under the water and the other on top of the water. I can’t remember all her words, but they added a lot of depth to my own responses.
The mosaic, I realised, (as I was making it!), was part of my poem (which I wrote within the same time period) “The Mummy and the Pyramid. I started the mosaic ages ago in September and I didn’t have much of an idea of its meanings for me in any clear sense. Broadly, it was centred around self-realisation and self-actualisation. We know things at different levels. This is why contemplation and dwelling on things without rushing ahead is so valuable. This is probably why I have a passion for art and poetry. They do ground me! They help me to not avoid my emotions but rather to encounter them. So a good process.
I do love the way that when you are creating artistically, (if you allow yourself to be carried along in a stream of consciousness – not quite knowing what an earth you are doing, but allowing oneself to engage with it anyway) there’s such a mysterious yet rich area for thoughts and feelings to emerge and to listen to. I found the lengthy process of mosaic making helpful. It is so much longer than that of a painting; well, in its actual execution at least. My paintings do often have a dormant period where ideas are still in gestation! And a lot of thinking goes on then. But as I said, I did find there is something particularly grounding in mosaic making. Being forced to stay with something singular for so long is not my usual style. For my often flighty mind and ever changing focus, this is no bad discipline to develop.
So with the extended time spent working on one thing when I usually work on at least three, plus each session of mosaic making being at regular intervals (just as therapy is!) I think this gave me a lot of time for reflection and contemplation as the mosaic unfolded. In this manner, the poem came from the mosaic and the mosaic came from the poem. As the ideas for motifs to use in the mosaic came to mind in their own good time, and I floundered about with respect to a title, I then utilised the mosaic imagery into the poem, which in turn, kindly gave the mosaic it’s title! It was a good combo!
I am sure that, mostly, with mosaic making it is best to know what you are doing and have a set idea clear in your mind at the outset, but I am not used to working that way. Unless I have been painting for others (commissioned to produce something), I prefer to wander around in the dark in a piecemeal fashion, and so I am keeping that approach. This is very possible with small mosaics at least, though not so possible with large ones! It is the case however that composition is everything (well, not everything…but if the underlying structure isn’t there, (however random that may seem) the visual art struggles to stand on its own two feet in my mind. There is nothing like a nice sturdy composition!
Alongside this, though, there is also a great excitement and liberty in a complete loss of structure – in fluidity and flexibility – in possibilities which cannot be seen or predicted. In mystery. It is the interplay between structure and disarray – the tension – which creates a paradox. Paradoxes tend to be rich with depth and discovery, if we can bear to hold ourselves in the space between too apparent opposites.
I have, true to form, meandered!
You can hear the poem which interacts with the mosaic here, as I have put it up on my YouTube channel:
The poem also relates a little bit to an earlier poem (God has Helped/January 2022) in the respect that the earlier one had a resurrection theme to it. As here in this part:
“The memory box
This unsealed tomb
strung in curses of defiant
protection?
Evil, elemental
spirits
bound a bandaged
menace
refusing carriage to the other world?”
from “God Has Helped” by Jenny Meehan ©2022
You can listen to the whole poem here on my YouTube Channel as I created a video poem version at the end of last year https://youtu.be/WIZ1MHpLSSQ
I was dwelling on “God has Helped” and asking myself questions about it when I wrote “The Mummy and the Pyramid”. The Egyptian theme has been in my mind for a while because I spent a lot of time cutting out many Egyptian stencil motifs to use in my artwork at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. I have always liked the paintings and motifs I have come across when looking at images of Egyptian wall paintings. Art Deco also draws inspiration from the art and architecture of ancient Egypt, and it’s my favourite decorative style of art!
A little bit of context needs to be kept in mind, for it was during the 1920’s when the Art Deco style emerged, and so its not hard to see how Egypt held a particular allure for artists and designers. The discovery of the tomb of the boy pharaoh Tutankhamun in November 1922 sparked a massive amount of popular interest. Generic Egyptian imagery began to be seen all over the place.
The flat, geometric, highly patterned, yet also narrative, visual combinations found in Egyptian wall paintings, plus the context of being inside a tomb, was such a pull when thinking about aspects of myself which have been repressed and/or suppressed, but which continually surface. To my mind, there is so much of any person which is like a mummy… Bound, yet ready for release and new life – if we grant it the grace and acceptance to allow it to live. I was thinking about sexuality, but this can be true for any aspect of the self I think.
For me to work on a pictorial piece of art, rather than my more frequent abstract paintings, has been a refreshing change. I think having the mosaic understood as part of something else, in this case a poem, feels very good to me as it has some context. A lack of specific context with a pictorial piece of art is a necessary yet uncomfortable situation I feel.. So there is comfort in its placement in my poem!
There is reference in the poem to “mortar and stone pieces” and while I was thinking primarily of a wall, I quite liked the hint towards the process of making a mosaic which I do think was in my mind when I wrote it. As I was reflecting on my mosaic and asking myself what on earth it could be saying to me I identified its three main symbolic elements as being body, mind and spirit, and this is how it came to then enter into the poem so fittingly.
I am quite relieved that the mosaic has a place in the poem because there is no place for it in the house it seems! I will find a good place for it soon I hope. It is hard when there is not much space! Guess I need to do a bit of a New Year sort out!
PS: I have an even older poem, which I wrote in the early years of my psychoanalytic psychotherapy, around 2012 “A Poem to my Therapist” which uses an Egyptian theme, so I am going to dig that one up as soon as I can find it and make a video poem of that too.
Guinness 0.0% Alcohol Free Draught Stout
..
I can say this is easily my very best birthday present… alcohol free #guinness! 🙂
As someone who doesn’t drink alcohol (not since 2010!) I can say my very best Christmas (or was it Birthday? – as so close together I always get muddled!) present was this alcohol free Guinness! Hooray! Well, who would have guessed ten years ago this would have been possible! I’ve been meaning to try it out for ages and I won’t look back now!
Before my alcohol use became more accurately described as “alcohol use disorder” I used to drink just beer and stout. (until my thirties!) I only later started drinking wine. This means that it is wine which is the drink I associate with over drinking, so I’m finding the alcohol free Guinness not presenting any issues for me in terms of being a pull towards alcohol. Not everyone who chooses sobriety can take the alcohol free beer option but for me it’s a total win win!
It makes so much difference to have plenty of choice when you don’t consume alcohol. I have tried a few other alcohol free beers and lagers too. My favourite so far is the Lidl one. Lidl “Perlenbacher 0.0” is not too sweet and really inexpensive too!
Wine
Well, as I’m on the subject of drinking, (which seems to be a topic on many people’s minds, based on the frequency of it coming up in sauna conversations at my local leisure centre!) I might as well move onto wine.
I do take communion wine in church as it is part of The Eucharist. In fact, I have found that because it is consumed in this context, it is more meaningful to me. The reason for this, is that this is the only place I take some wine. The term “Eucharist” originates from the Greek word eucharistia, meaning thanksgiving. And when I take the wine in that context it resonates very deeply for me in it’s associations with the blood of Christ. It is a simple symbolic ritual for me which helps me to recognise the reality of Christ’s life blood in me.
This very positive recognition of faithful love is a blessing to me. Instead of me drinking wine in a destructive way – consuming a substance in order to anaesthetise my pain, which is what I used to do – I drink the wine to honour Christ’s love and sacrifice. In this symbolic ritual I partake in Christ’s life giving love in a metaphorical sense. That it is metaphorical does not devalue it to my way of thinking, (though there are many different approaches to the matter and disagreements about this!).
It’s a small part of a much bigger picture. Partaking in the life of Christ is an experience which goes far beyond the altar and into every realm of life and experience if we let it do so. I rather like Richard Rohr’s words:
“Eucharist is presence encountering presence — mutuality, vulnerability.”
( from “Eucharist as Touchstone” )
With this thought in mind, and very much inspired by a recorded poetry reading by Judy Grahn on YouTube, I’ve written this poem! “I Paint You”. It is the partner piece for my painting “The Ruined Woman” (Which is in turn part of a Trilogy (Exhibit 1: “The ruined woman” (a painting – poem) Exhibit Two: “Venus de Milo” (sculpture and also video “Artefact/Artifact” ) and Exhibit Three: “Violence Vigil – Watch and Pray”.(short film)
Here’s a low res image of “The Ruined Woman”
The Ruined Woman ©jenny meehan partner to “I Paint You” by Jenny Meehan
I Paint You
Turn
turn to
face the future
yes
you
are wine
woman.
There is wine
Your beaker
blood promises
not death
but life
Your beaker is not empty.
Turn, turn –
Face
the future –
Build
Speak
Weave
Know
you are old and young in one.
You are not alone.
No one
taints you
scars you
mars you
stop you
drops you
Empathy is the water
that moves and spreads you
Empathy formed with
a nerve
of steel
Am I not
soft and tender?
My fine form comes
from my centre.
It is a hurricane.
May be
protestations for blood spilt
without evidence.
Am I not
an error
.No.
Written by © Jenny Meehan 2023
Slowly: a plainsong from an older woman to a younger woman Poem by Judy Grahn can be read here among other places:
https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/slowly-a-plainsong-from-an-older-woman-to-a-younger-woman/
(I hope if permission granted to post it here too if possible)
But even better than that, you can listen to it on YouTube now! Also, the YouTube video is an old recording of Judy Grahn reading her poem herself, which is clearly the best way to receive any poem (from the lips of the person who writes it) . The recording of Judy Grahn reading her poem is also different to the text I’ve found online as it is much longer. It may be she edited it down later? I do this a lot and I’m sure many other writers do. Indeed, as all artists with our work, we tend to reflect and refine with the passage of time. I do like the spoken word version best though.
The link to Judy Grahn reading “Slowly: a plainsong from an older woman to a younger woman” is here:
It’s simply amazing to listen to… A total inspiration, and I know I’ll be looking through the Poetry Foundation’s Archives a lot this year. It is also possible to see the full recording via the Poetry Foundation. Here is more information here in the text included in the Poetry Foundation website:
“The Poetry Center presents Judy Grahn and Diane Wakoski, appearing at the San Francisco Museum of Art, each reading from new work on a program of women poets organized by The Poetry Center and introduced by director Kathleen Fraser. Grahn reads from a long prose work in progress, and from the She, Who poems. The latter at the time is noted as being prepared for publication with the Women’s Press Collective, which was located in the basement of A Woman’s Place Bookstore, on Broadway in Oakland. Wakoski reads three works in manuscript, a poetic essay followed by two longer poems, from her yet to be published book, Virtuoso Music for Two and Four Hands (Doubleday, 1975).
Note: the original event also included a third poet, Grace Harwood, video for whom is unavailable.”
The recording of “Slowly – A Plain Song from an Older Woman to a Younger Woman,” on YouTube was the last poem Judy Grahn read at the event. This was a poem she described as “having to do with the two kinds of women that there are: older ones, and younger ones. She made heavy use of “feminine rhymes,” which Webster’s dictionary notes are not listed in the dictionary, as these two-syllable rhymes are “trivial and used only for humor.”
I took a brief look but couldn’t find it (the dictionary quote) online however I have no doubt that’s its there. I did find this, as I was interested in the grammar of “Am I not”
I like very much the use of “Am I not” in Judy Grahn’s poem, so I used it in my poem too. It’s rather formal and detached I think. I see from the dictionary it’s far from “Ain’t I”! (I can remember using that expression on my youth, but have dropped it and acquired more of a Surrey accent, along with traces of South London! Ain’t I posh! 😂)
Another thing I noticed and liked very much is the way question marks are not used with “Am I not”. A certainty underlies the question. It makes it bold and brave. Going against traditional grammar rules is something I could consider, and this includes punctuation. This is why I end with “.no.”
I have read many poems over the years with non standard grammar and/or punctuation, but recently I tried hard to use it more conventionally. This is helpful for other people reading, but for me as I move more into speaking out aloud my own work more I think it could be a bit restricting so I need to reconsider how much it matters. I struggled at school with reading, writing, spelling and grammar and though I wasn’t quite in the “lowest” group for such things (though I did feature in the remedial reading group at Infant School I am proud to say!) I was below average.
You should never underrate a good teacher though. My English teacher at secondary school was both tough and faith-full. She believed for the best and as when I exited Twickenham Country Girls School, though wasting a lot of it, I could carry an A in English Language and a B in English Literature, which was pretty amazing bearing in mind the circumstances of my life at that time! Being beaten up by the gang of girls I hung out with in the fifth year was bad, but suddenly I had nothing to distract me and I realised I needed to come out of school with something to show for it.
jenny meehan in West Dean Forge
Thinking on steel takes me right back to many happy times in the forge at West Dean College. I took part in several blacksmithing courses. As well as working with steel, I also experimented with other metals, such as copper and aluminium on a couple of courses led by Mike Savage.
That quick trip down memory lane reminds me that I really need to work on getting back to that size this year I think. Though keeping “Fat is a Feminist Issue” in my mind at the same time, of course!
Shortcomings
“Shortcomings, both real and imagined, when deeply seen and accepted, are an important part of the transformative process of learning to let go. If we do not let go of the need to be perfect, our need to be perfect will get in our way. Likewise, if we do not let go of our fear of failing, our fear of failing will get in the way. But as we learn to let go of the need to be perfect and the fear of failure, the intimate, earthy stuff of being a vulnerable, loving human being begins to shine through. In an ongoing process of learning to let go we bear witness to the great truth that the master limps. The mastery of life is intermingled with the ongoing weaknesses and limitations that gives life its rich and many layered texture and meaning.”
Copyright © 2013 Dr. James Finley
Thanks to Dr. James Finley for permission to quote in this Jenny Meehan Contemporary Artist’s Journal.
“the intimate, earthy stuff of being a vulnerable, loving human being begins to shine through.”
I need to read that again!
And importantly the “learning to let go”. This is not something we find easy in life! We want control. We want to know.
I attended a “Silence in the City” Retreat Day led by Dr James Finley many years ago and it gave me plenty of food for thought. It was called Transforming Trauma: Exploring the Healing Power of Spirituality (A one day healing retreat) and was described as being
A one day retreat devoted to exploring the healing power of spirituality. The day’s reflections will focus on seven traumas or wounds to which we are all subject as human beings and then go to explore methods of meditation and other steps we can take to help ourselves and others heal from each of these seven wounds. The emphasis will be on the lifelong process of learning to be a healing presence in the midst of the world. Time will be given for brief periods of silent group meditation and discussion of the themes presented. Those in ministry, in the healing professions, trauma survivors and all who are interested in exploring healing power of spirituality in their own life and in today’s world will benefit from this day of prayerful reflection.
It was VERY good. I’m rather partial to a retreat day on a regular basis. I find it very helpful!
Over the years I have attended many similar type events and also many retreat days in various places, including the Mount Street Jesuit Centre in London.
Becoming Painting © Jenny Meehan
Photographic Images from my Archive
I have lots of images of metal and wood, but here is a selection of some wood ones. Both the outside of trees, with the wonderful variation of bark, and the inside, which is revealed in objects such as fence panels and anything else made of wood, is always very visually inspiring to me. It is the flow of the lines which runs with fluidity, even in and on the solid wood, which captures my eye and leads me to press the shutter, even for the most mundane of objects. Things of interest and beauty are so easily overlooked, but the camera does help to isolate things in a way which draws the attention to them, which can be helpful. These images are the snap shots which help me remember the sights which beckoned to me, at different times of my life.
It has to be said that one of the unexpected benefits feeling very downcast and low in spirit, can be that one’s eyes fall naturally to the ground more often than most, and there, if one is willing, it is possible to find a treasure trove of images which might be missed otherwise. This is not to trivialise the problems, or the pain, but I have realised for myself, that it was in my darkest days (I would place this period as being between 2007 and 2011) that I took most of my “under the waist” level images, many of the ground, and many which focused on fixings, outbuildings and structures of many kinds, and various boundaries, ie, walls, fences, and barriers.
jenny meehan photography
I found a heart on the outside of the willow tree at Broom Road Recreation Ground, which I visited with my own children. Broom Road Recreation Ground, Trowlock Way, Teddington, TW119QY, was the park I was taken to as a child ( was brought up in Teddington, Middlesex.) It looks as if, where the branch was cut off, the heart then formed.
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
The three images above were taken in my local area, Chessington, as I ferried the children to and from school when they were younger.
jenny meehan photography
jenny meehan photography
The two images above were taken at West Dean College during one of the short courses I attended there.
Design and Artists Copyright Society DACS
Please note that the visual art on this online journal is the fruit of a lot of labour. It may not be used without permission. The same goes for any of my own writing, poems, and also, if included on this blog, the work of other artists is indeed their work. Permission needs to be requested from the relevant artists before use is made of it, even when that use is non-commercial.
So, having made that clear…
Do you need a licence to use one of my images?
I’m a member of the Design and Artists Copyright Society, (DACS) and my digital images are licensable via DACS.
Please contact me in the first instance with your enquiry. I’m flexible about fees, which are based on the industry standard, but negotiable. NOTE :All fees cited by the Design and Artists Copyright Society are proposed; not set in stone; and depending on circumstances, budgets, the nature of your project etc I can be flexible.
To get an idea of the industry standard fees for an image licence take a look at the Design and Artists Copyright Society Information page:
https://www.dacs.org.uk/licensing-works
The Design and Artists Copyright Society is an informative website and a good introduction to the process of licensing an art image for anyone seeking an image to use who is not familiar with the process, what information is needed, etc.
I am also happy to help you personally though as well, and have an extremely large archive of digital art images so do feel free to contact me directly and give me an idea of your project, intended use, and requirements.
Remember..
DACS will automatically propose a licensing fee in line with the industry standard. However, please note, this is a negotiable fee. I am happy to be flexible about the initial fee proposed, and it’s not a problem if the initially proposed fee is outside your budget.
It works like this…
Administration of the licensing process is facilitated through the Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS), who liaise between us with respect to the exact fee agreed. Depending on circumstances and the nature of your project, I can usually offer fee reductions for a certain percentage of licensing arrangements.
If you decide you want to use their online form, then you need to attach the low resolution image of my artwork which you have found on the internet, they will know which image you seek permission for.
As I’ve said, you can also contact me informally, in the first instance if you wish to, of course. Any formal arrangements will need to be made through the Designer and Artists’ Copyright Society, but I can often offer the opportunity to alter images, for example, putting in different aspect ratios or colourways, so it’s really helpful to communicate with designers and clients first with respect to the actual image required.
So, feel free to contact me. I will also be able to let you know the maximum size the digital image is available at. If you then wish to licence the artwork image, you would then contact the Design and Artist Copyright Society to arrange the licencing agreement according to your requirements. Once paid and agreed, I then supply the high resolution image directly to you.
Contact Jenny Meehan UK Artist Designer
I’m trying to remember to insert contact forms regularly in my blog posts! Do please follow me on WordPress and if you want to be put on my mailing list then let me know! I only send out a maximum of TWO artist newsletters each year!
Open Water Swimming Poem Swim Wild Swim Free by Jenny Meehan
swim wild swim free poem by jenny meehan open water swimming poetry art gifts
I haven’t continued swimming in the river beyond October before, so I am surprising myself by continuing a bit further into the Autumn this year! I do wear a wetsuit jacket as I don’t like to get too cold but all the rest of me gets pretty chilly! A couple of pairs of sports leggings, socks and gloves are also handy. It gives me a real buzz and it’s such a beautiful thing to do.
I have a collection of some of my open water/wild swimming art on my jennyjimjams redbubble artist profile. This includes the poem above.
https://www.redbubble.com/people/jennyjimjams/shop
Poetry
I put my poetry with many of the art forms I use. They have a relationship. I love that relationship. Sometimes the relationship is very obvious. It’s even sometimes there when I am making a work. For example, with my pink cardboard sculpture, when I was making it I kind of knew inside it was going to be meeting up with some kind of poem or writing, even though I didn’t know exactly what it was going to be. And indeed, thankfully, on my return from West Dean College, the writing of the poem fell into it’s place too. They were a pair made for each other!
I can’t say it always works out so simply. Sometimes there is a relationship there, kind of, but it is not a fully emerged one. Sometimes the relationship takes a few years even to emerge. It is not that it wasn’t there… It is just that it was emerging, unclear, maybe only partially conscious.
Poetry
Here’s another past poem, resurrected and re edited!
I AM
When I AM,
I am here… looking carefully.
When I AM
I am here… looking wondrously, around
and within;
without anxiety.
It is better to wait.
It is better to trust.
It is better to risk
living
than to die.
Even in the darkness…
It is better to ask for help.
It is also better to feel.
Better this,
than to live in hiding.
Better this, than to be as before…
when I shut life out.
Life opens and continues to open.
Welcomes and continues to welcome.
Calls and continues to call…
I am listening.
Life has opened. It continues to open. It opens again
in an everlasting flower.
It continues to welcome
and continues to call.
Soft, silent, petals
show in a moment;
a meditation of one still second.
Tiny, but certain.
Green against the grey.
.
My poem often lacks imagery I think. I tend to use my visual work for imagery…Creating an image in a poem is a different and more refined type of art I think than my poetry, which tends more towards a narrative prose type style in the main. However, I enjoy writing it! I would like to experiment much more with my poetry writing. Now the Winter days are here I think it more likely I may succeed in investing more time in that direction!
Low res image Modern art, abstract painting, jennymeehan blog, jennyjimjams artist, original artwork, London Surrey based abstract artist ©Jenny Meehan, Painter-Poet, romantic expressionist Abstraction, emotional landscape art, 21st century contemporary Art, licensable art images via DACS
The Space Between Us is one of my large (approx A1) paintings using Keim Soldalit on paper and thick cardboard. I’m really enjoying collage experiments. Space is such a practical problem for me, as our house is small and full! Now the Autumn and Winter are here, working on larger paintings has had to stop. Not that that matters too much as I play around with collage, whose piecemeal virtues and that little parts can be pulled together starting small and gradually growing outwards, as well as starting large and moving in the other direction. I also find that time spent in contemplation, reviewing the work of the Summer, and reading and writing all needs a place, and this is the season to do that! So there’s a note of humour for me as I look at this painting now… There is not enough “space between us” at the moment!
However, this wasn’t my thinking when I painted this…I was thinking about communication, sharing, and openness to others…As per Martin Buber ” Our relationships live in the space between us which is sacred.” That is the most beautiful quote ever I think. Actually…here’s more of it; ” Our relationship lives in the space between us – it doesn’t live in me or in you or even in the dialogue between the two of us – it lives in the space we live together and that space is sacred space”
Another great quote here:
“Love consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other” Rainer Maria Rilke
Nice.
Yoga Thoughts
Very much enjoying practising yoga again, though I would like to get into the habit of doing it a bit more than I do! It complements my Christian contemplative practice very well indeed, and is helping me recover a sense of being connected with my body which I lost. It feels to me like I am reclaiming my lost body.
I know that sounds odd, but years ago (age 5 to 13) when I used to do Ballet each week I had a relationship with my body that eroded over the years, and I ended up both disconnected, and abusing my body in various ways. I kind of rejected it and gave up on it. Working on the movements in Yoga is very helpful to me because I am becoming aware of my body and connected with it in a way that I have not been for many years.
I find the combination of breath and movement completely helpful to me…to say it is stress relieving is an understatement because it is so much more. The whole matter of being kind to my body and accepting it is also very important. I feel more agile and connected and happier with my body. Paying attention to the present is always a good thing, and I think the combination of focus, attention and breathing, for me, works very well in creating that “flow” experience which I often ramble on about!
This kind of somatic approach to recovery was suggested by my therapist a while back, but I was given a kick start to doing it because of the “ourparks.org” initiative a few years ago, which I was very grateful for. The combination of psychotherapy and the Yoga practice seem to help each other along…
It is recognised that trauma causes the body to be frozen in a state of fear. Hyper-vigilance and fear, and the whole theme of being frozen, crystallised and icy, is something which can be found in my some of my artwork. I sometimes use tiny glass beads to express a frozen state induced in my paintings. This state, experienced in extreme at the time of the traumatic event, also seems to hold itself in the body and mind, and I have experienced this many a time in therapy when we have touched certain points. It is quite strange to experience it when moving my body around when doing Yoga but very occasionally I have noticed it then.
It is my relationship with my body which is the key thing I think. I don’t really trust my body to keep me safe maybe? I sometimes feel unsafe and imagine horrible things happening to my knee (ie images of it smashing against something hard!) This is a little taste of a much wider experience and relationship with fear I have, but, as I was recognising recently in therapy, it is the relationship and the way one sees and relates to the fear (which changes over the course of recovery), not the fact that one feels the fear.
I would like to get rid of fear entirely, however, it is a fact of life, and not to be totally overwhelmed by fear, and to learn to see it from a different position, is a wonderfully liberating and joyful experience. I’m working at it through the Yoga now, as well as the therapy! I seem to be developing more feelings of being safe, and am adapting what I do in Yoga to suit my current physical state/body. What matters to me is that I can develop a nice sense of flow and grace in what I do with Yoga, and get into the breathing with body combination. This seems to be the most beneficial thing, rather than trying to torture myself with a lack of acceptance, sense of failure, and generally torturing my body. Being rather a creative person, I am finding it rather interesting to develop some of my own moves and positions too! I think my swimming, especially front crawl with the head under the water breathing technique, has pretty much the same effect too.
Incorporating body-based techniques into trauma recovery is something which makes a lot of sense for people in recovery from trauma, as trauma is so linked with the body (terror!!!!). It has been my experience that the tension and stress just holds itself within you, and you carry it around constantly. I can be chilled out and relaxed mentally, but still need to make a conscious effort to release the tension in my back and shoulders! It’s just there. My body still thinks (if bodies “think”) that it needs to be in “fight” mode, I think. The physiological effects of trauma on the body seem to lock the body in a pattern of fear.
While I had childhood experiences of physical (and emotional) violence directed towards me via my father, which did have an impact on my development, I think it was being a victim of rape in my early twenties (twice) which succeeded in helping me disconnect and dissociate from my body/mind more deeply. It actually took TEN YEARS for me to be in a place where I could even start to acknowledge what had happened to me!
The power of denial is immense… Shocking. But this is the way the body and mind cope with such things sometimes. You need to keep on living. This denial, I now understand, is not an uncommon experience for people who have been violated so. I feel so grateful to have been able to make a journey forwards in reconnection and self- compassion, and that the work of psychoanalytic psychotherapy I have been engaged with, (and continue to be engaged with), has proved so worthwhile and fruitful in so many respects.
On the body front, my video “Artifact” is an a personal explorative expression rather than a finely honed artwork….(I have very limited facilities and skills in video making!) and is probably quite a stepping stone for me in the rape recovery process. Interestingly “Artifact” can be spelt either the original British spelling way “Artefact” or the American English spelling way “Artifact”!
Here it is:
Revisiting a sense of personal desolation and loss wasn’t easy, but I think it was worth the effort. I used a sculpture I made and cast in plaster, which I titled “Venus de Milo” (related to my “Thelma” wax sculpture series) as the body…a personal relic, I suppose. In the video there is a soundtrack which includes the repeated phrase “I’m tearing myself apart”. The close examination of my body relic is painful to me, for its existence is the embodiment of a catastrophic trauma and its impact within my life. There is something about “tearing myself apart” even by my insisting on revisiting the crime of the rape and making what is almost a forensic examination maybe? Yet in the examination is the necessity to face what a crime it was.
It is a kind of crime scene I think…distressing to admit the damage done…distressing to appreciate the depth of damage and the obliteration of self. It is hard to let go…to leave that relic…yet to face it is vital…to acknowledge it is vital… but facing it is “tearing me apart” because I face the pain and reality of the crime, and in the scrutiny of it I am immersed in grief.
Yet making the video, painstaking as it was, did serve a useful purpose. Some people use relics religiously as they believe in the power of relics… the physical remains of a holy site or holy person, or objects with which they had contact somehow possess healing power. In the Christian belief, the body of the saint provided a spiritual link between life and death and between wo/man and God “because of the grace remaining in the martyr”. I think I have had this in the back of my mind, though with differences of course. I think I have maybe created and used this as some kind of resurrection tool… a way to apply the grace within me to those parts of myself which are dead? A way of re contacting myself at that point in my life, picking myself up, tenderly, and inviting the grace of my Creator deeper into my own life and body now by accepting and receiving more fully myself… all of myself…even those parts which I could not bear to acknowledge.
So in this artistic creation, I am metaphorically picking up/encountering the relic of myself and by doing so accepting what was done fully, which is painful of course. Hence the “tearing/breaking myself apart”? However, also in the process of encounter and awareness, is the grace, which I could not previously access due to the rejection of myself. This can be applied and received. There is life breathed into death.
So it’s not a negative process. Far from it, though it could be, of course, if I did not relinquish and let go of the old. Letting go is also part of the process. We can hang onto hurt, old wounding, and pain because it feels more secure. The letting go of the relic is a necessary part of the process. My poem “Bandage Box” is also part of the video.
Bandage Box
Gently pressed fabric
laid over a stretched surface;
soaked in milky balm.
I am
tenderly
making;
building a new impression with my mind,
whose inner wound cannot be bound
but which seeks
to make new structure.
The short video has a bit of a clunky visual motion to it…its has a rough, unprofessional feel to it, but I think it appropriate, so I found it acceptable, even maybe a bonus to the communication? There’s nothing smooth or easy about a recovery journey from rape, and the slightly stumbling and unsteady, stilted and fragmented feel to it is fitting.
I have been sexually assaulted in various ways 10 times in my life, to varying degrees ranging from drug rape to sexual harassment. I know I am far from alone in this as I know many women who have experiences like mine… too many. All violence and sexual assault has an extremely destructive effect on a person. The damage done is not appreciated or realised as much as it could be I don’t think, so maybe my experience, which is part of the creation of this video, might help in some small way. I have been fortunate to have the support and help I needed… it came late… this is true… but none the less, it came and it has been transformative.
It’s really important to recognise how much sexual assault there is. Here is some data from 2017, so not new, but still rather shocking:
Sexual Violence Statistics from Rape Crisis England and Wales.
Key statistics about rape and sexual violence in England and Wales.
In the year to the end of March 2017, the Crime Survey for England and Wales (CSEW) estimated:
20% of women and 4% of men have experienced some type of sexual assault since the age of 16, equivalent to 3.4 million female and 631,000 male victims
3.1% of women (510,000) and 0.8% of men (138,000) aged 16 to 59 had experienced a sexual assault in the last year.
In January 2013, An Overview of Sexual Offending in England and Wales, the first ever joint official statistics bulletin on sexual violence released by the Ministry of Justice (MoJ), Office for National Statistics (ONS) and Home Office, revealed:
Approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men (aged 16 – 59) experience rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by penetration in England and Wales alone every year; that’s roughly 11 of the most serious sexual offences (of adults alone) every hour.
Only around 15% of those who experience sexual violence report to the police
Approximately 90% of those who are raped know the perpetrator prior to the offence
More key stats:
31% of young women aged 18-24 report having experienced sexual abuse in childhood (NSPCC, 2011)
Most women in the UK do not have access to a Rape Crisis Centre (Map of Gaps, 2007)
A third of people believe women who flirt are partially responsible for being raped (Amnesty, 2005)
Conviction rates for rape are far lower than other crimes, with only 5.7% of reported rape cases ending in a conviction for the perpetrator. (Kelly, Lovett and Regan, A gap or a chasm? Attrition in reported rape cases, 2005)
The information above is rather old, but does give a brief idea I think. This may be a better specific and up to date resource:
Click to access Statistics_about_sexual_violence_and_abuse_-_sources_RCEW.pdf
You can also see more up to date statistics here too: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/datasets/sexualoffencesprevalenceandvictimcharacteristicsenglandandwales
The highest ever number of rapes was recorded by police in the year ending March 2022:
70,330
In that same time period, charges
were brought in just 2,223 rape cases.
The text above is from https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence
I did not even realise it was this bad until I looked. Part of me wishes I hadn’t. But I guess there is the problem, because the problem is so massive and generally people tend to prefer to look away rather than acknowledge it. We are all the same in that respect… I have looked away myself… even as a victim. There’s a huge reality which needs to be faced and not avoided if society really is going to progress in a positive direction. This is what really needs to change, and it needs a lot of work, awareness, and education, plus open communication to change things.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4491036/
I see my art working as a small contribution to the process of education and awareness. It’s small but it’s important to me that my experience is used creatively. I know it strikes a chord with people and I have had amazing feedback and responses which bring a lot of happiness to my heart.
Painting: Yoga Inhale
yoga Inhale British painting Lyrical Abstraction style by artist designer jenny meehan jennyjimjams colour original abstract artwork to buy and image licensing ©Jenny Meehan
Painting: Yoga Exhale
Yoga Exhale British painting Lyrical Abstraction style by artist designer jenny meehan jennyjimjams colour original abstract artwork to buy and image licensing ©Jenny Meehan
Flow Psychology
I know I have mentioned this before in my Journal, but as a quick reminder, I am very much interested in positive psychology and the ideas of psychologist Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. When immersed in something, and in a kind of mindfulness which is what you feel when you are completely focused and in a state of complete immersion in an activity, this may be described as being in a “flow”. A state of consciousness called flow is a state of concentration so focused that it amounts to absolute absorption in an activity. We might describe it as being “in the flow” of something.
This word “flow” brings me back a bit to the John Wimber days, when at the Charismatic church I was at (YEARS ago!) we all used to refer to “being in the flow” when we talked about experiencing the Holy Spirit. If one sees the Holy Spirit as, among other things, being a spirit of creativity and life energy, then our experiences of the Holy Spirit, (who is part of the Trinity in Christian thought and faith), as well as being welcomed in the experience of worshipping God in a focused way, is indeed the very same spirit that I feel when I am painting…For me, this is certainly true. I make no distinction between the spiritual refreshment I experience when immersed in my painting, or any other creative activities, to that I experience when immersed in prayer or contemplative meditation. To me, these things are one and the same. They have different dimension to them…I need to analyse and assess things when painting in a particular way…it is a type of work which is not the same as praying a prayer which is structured in the logic of words, (unless I am praying without words). But in terms of my own mind, body and spirit, they are both a place of being, of welcoming life and the Creator’s presence into my soul. Of immersion, and depth of being.
As that familiar line goes “In Him (He-She as I prefer to express!) we live and move and have our being” …in it’s context, (from Acts 17 in the New Testament… here:
“Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: “People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. 23For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. So you are ignorant of the very thing you worship—and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.
24“The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. 26From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. 27God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 28‘For in him we live and move and have our being.’b As some of your own poets have said, ‘We are his offspring.’
Anyway, back to Mihály Csíkszentmihályi…
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi describes the mental state of flow as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”
It’s the ego falling away bit which is interesting me. When surrendered to the Holy Spirit while worshipping God, there is a kind of immersive experience which is both refreshing and revitalising. I also feel this when I am doing my yoga practice, as I focus on the movements and positions of my body. When I look at water, or I am swimming in water, I also find myself getting “into the flow” of feeling alive, and welcoming the Spirit into my life more.
While flow states can be task related, and related to specific objectives, and the performance related aspect is interesting, (I would like to read more about it,) I am also interested in the flow that happens purely as a result of the grace of our Creator God (ie, as the result of God’s workings, through the Holy Spirit without us “doing” anything). This also brings with it a fluidity to our thoughts and a deep feeling of peace and contentment. Our sense is of being just in the moment, ego-free, and feeling alive. I don’t know if Mihály Csíkszentmihályi considers “flow” from any spiritual perspectives at all. I found this…
“Nearly anything, it seems, can serve as a flow activity. The diversity of potentially fulfilling activities directly confronts a culture so often interested in success that can be quantified in financial and personal terms. While flow activities share several common characteristics, Csikszentmihalyi argues, finding the right activity requires a uniquely personal process of exploration and self-discovery. No matter what they are — physical exertion, study, artistic expression or spirituality — flow activities reveal themselves in the way they push the self towards complexity and growth.”
Quote from The subjectivity of happiness: on Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s ‘Flow’
Chase Nordengren | Jan. 5, 2012 (National Catholic Reporter)
Take a look at the whole thing:
http://ncronline.org/blogs/young-voices/subjectivity-happiness-mihaly-csikszentmihalyis-flow
I like this:
“Csikszentmihalyi is skeptical that traditional religious systems, particularly Christianity, can provide meaning to the next century’s children, trapped in existential dread. He might well be correct to assume Christian preaching is quickly consigning itself to irrelevancy on the issue of happiness. An undeveloped faith will not by itself create happiness, nor will liberation from sin. Beyond preaching on moral action, the church bears a special responsibility to project its positive view of human beings and the unique vocation given each individual person.
No matter the strength of our devotion, our repentance or our “positive thinking,” our reality will still reflect a will we cannot understand. Bad things will still happen to good people.
“The most promising faith for the future,” Csikszentmihalyi writes, “might be based on the realization that the entire universe is a system related by common laws and that it makes no sense to impose our dreams and desires on nature without taking them into account.”
Recognition of that reality — the presence of a supernatural power that has brought us into existence and our incredible powerlessness in the face of that power — is the first step on the road toward grasping for meaning in our lives. A relevant, compassionate church ought to also guide the faithful toward the second step: ensuring all work and play, rich and poor, simple and complex constitutes participation in what the U.S. bishops called “God’s creative activity.”
Wow, that’s super. Love that.
The experience of flow could be described well as blessing, I think. Someone at church recently pointed out that the Hebrew word we often translate into “blessing” very much relates to happiness:
esher: happiness, blessedness
Original Word: אַשְׁרֵי
Part of Speech: Noun Masculine
Transliteration: esher
Phonetic Spelling: (eh’-sher)
Short Definition: blessed
In my experience this happiness comes when I immersed in an activity, focused, and I view it as a gift of grace. Happiness is a gift…I think it can be received or rejected. It is a communion, a meeting with the divine as expressed in our world… It doesn’t come from things, but from relationships and love expressed. And when we are immersed in certain things, it seems we gain a sense of the divine, as we let ourselves be just in that moment. For me as a Christian, a powerfully liberating access to this blessing comes from the application in my life of a conception of the Grace of God, expressed through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as God (one of the Trinity). In my life, Christ is welcomed as God himself, compassionate, and incarnate, (in the flesh). “God with us” in the midst of the deepest suffering, or the darkest night any soul could find itself in. A Creator God who, though powerful, is also powerless. A vulnerable Creator of the world, who understands completely the challenges of living we face, even those very extreme challenges, like extreme fear and doubt. This is a paradox we cannot understand. We cannot understand the mystery of Grace, only choose to believe it.
Yet, indeed, it is the Spirit of God within us, that brings life to our souls…whatever our beliefs, spiritual tradition, or religion. The work of the Spirit may be experienced by any heart open to God, if welcomed. God is a Creator…the source of life, and the giver of life. There is one Creator God, though understood, (in the limited way the human mind understands things!) in many different ways. When we are doing things we feel passionate about, which engage ourselves and take us beyond our own ego, and into a sacred, and holy space where we are being, just being, and taking in life in all it’s fullness…This is just a tiny taste of the heaven; a tiny taste of the experience of being immersed in the presence of God in all it’s (his/her) entirety.
I associate water with life, and life (and truth) with the Grace of God, experienced in my daily life. The whole idea of immersion (and everything to do with water!) can be linked in my own art work to the (continual) experience of Baptism, (understood as a symbolic act of conversion, ie repentance and receiving of grace) and to experiences of being immersed in the Holy Spirit..of being in a place of Flow, and of life (and new birth) which is both here and now, and also, well beyond that. A happiness and grace which is a blessing. A gift, from God. I choose to credit this kind of work to God, in his/her* good intentions and loving kindness, mercy and compassion towards ALL that is created, and understand God not as an impersonal force or “it” but a personal and relational Creator God. I credit the liberating work of continuous transformation in my life as coming from the work of Christ in me, as I choose day by day the path of being a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a key understanding that underlies my life and work, and what motivates me in my art practice to take the directions I take.
However, whatever one believes or not, whatever one’s personal angle on salvation/enlightenment, or otherwise, we all experience flow times…that feeling of being in your element. Of being in the creative zone. Of feeling truly alive! While I have rambled on passionately, there are countless times when “being in the flow” is a distant dream…When all the opposite could be expressed, just as passionately! When static, stagnant and dead, are more applicable words! But I find it helpful to consider and reflect on the relationship of my faith beliefs and the way that water has emerged as such a significant symbol in my art work, and also how my own understanding of being “in the flow” has moved from something that I used to view as being exclusively situated within those professing to be Christians, to a much wider and expansive appreciation of how blessings are experienced, and how our “Unknown God” is known to us in various ways, through our life experience. It is also the case that God, because (she-he) is God, is well beyond our comprehension, and it does us a favour to always hold this in our minds, even if we are certain of our own perspectives. We may know and comprehend many truths about God’s nature…and it is good to hold onto these things, but also good to embrace the mystery which is also God, and to appreciate the endless and eternal aspects of our Creator. As the old phrase goes “Let Go and Let God”. The two go together!
Sometimes the “letting go” bit might be more of a challenge, and slightly different from simply immersing ourselves in an enjoyable activity. Take a look at the whole article if you will, but I am thinking of this kind of thing:
“But in every case, what “Let go and let God” comes down to is this: We need to let go of our own will. We must claim as our own the incredibly hard prayer that Jesus prayed: “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). We need to let go and let God do what God wills. This submission will lead to peace and joy, even when the way is difficult. “Father, I place my life in Your hands!” (Luke 23:46).”
Quote from: Elizabeth Peale Allen https://www.guideposts.org/faith-in-daily-life/bible-resources/live-the-bible/learn-to-let-go-and-let-god.
*ps. It seems better to remind ourselves by using His/Her that God isn’t male or female…but Spirit. We think “genders” because we are human, but while God may be related to as male or female, it’s good to remind ourselves of how far beyond our definitions God is…I tend to often settle with “Father” simply because the Lord Jesus Christ did but it’s good to recognise both traditionally feminine imagery and masculine imagery when we think of God, imo! (AND to be clear that these are indeed, just images!!!! )
In the Flow Mosaic
in the flow mosaic by jenny meehan
in the flow mosaic by jenny meehan
I am rather pleased about the progress of a recent mosaic…This is the reverse side, and I am excited to see what the other side will look like! It will look a bit different…I am particularly keen to see what the face looks like! There is part of a poem to go with this mosaic.
“Psyche, Body, Spirit
Unbound
She threw herself into the river
Then in an untold miracle
found
unexpected resurrection”
It’s part of a bigger poem. I do find my river swims so helpful at the moment, even though its cold! I am not exactly throwing myself into the water… rather it is a slow and gentle walk into the coldness in order to adjust to the water temperature!
Bye for now… This post is EARLY for a change. Getting stuff sorted now as December is such a busy month if I leave things till then it would be after Christmas I think until I got around to posting!
Jenny Meehan - Art Journal 